#please keep these messages coming whenever you think of something during your reread

[stiles-o-dylan24]

I'm on Chapter 9 of It's Always Been You and I love that Derek said "The only one I trust is her."

YES the bromance between addy and derek was everything🥰 I love all of their scenes sm

[closedafterdark]

Can you do Haseul or Cheng Xiao sex in a tent while having a camping or something along the line? Thank you.

“Oppa you’re joining us on the camping trip, right?”

You looked down at your phone and reread the message Ha Sooyoung sent you. Smiling, you remember the first time you met her. 

It was during your university days. You were a senior entering your final quarter in school. Being vice captain of the dance team and head of the dance club were just a few of your extracurricular activities. Ha Sooyoung was a shy freshman. You immediately took her under your wing, spending extra time after classes and your days off helping her improve her skills.

Your close friendship continued long after you and her left the university. She was after all, the one who introduced you and Heejin to each other.

“Babe, did you get a text from Sooyoung about a camping trip?” you said, looking down as you felt a sharp pleasure from between your legs as your girlfriend Jeon Heejin’s brown and blonde highlighted hair was currently bobbing up and down. A soft moan escapes your lips as your hand guides her rhythm. Heejin gives you a sexily haunting stare as her thin lips are parted by your cock. You feel her hollowed cheeks that are accompanied by her tongue running across the underside of your shaft.

Heejin’s pace was slow, allowing the both of you to feel the pleasure gradually build up as the wetness of her mouth and the suction-like hold her lips have on your cock cause you to release steady moans of satisfaction.

She kept her stare on you the entire time, smiling through her eyes as she hears you enjoying the pleasure she is giving. Your girlfriend was extremely beautiful, but even more so whenever she had your cock in her mouth. Giving you one final bob of her head, she flicks her tongue back and forth on your base before withdrawing you from her mouth inch by inch. You let out a soft whine once she fully released your cock with a loud pop. She giggles before opening her mouth and flicking her tongue on your tip. She then strokes you before focusing her attention on your balls, lathering each one as she gently nibbles on them, causing you to shiver as they are particularly sensitive.

“I did. She wants us to show up to the campsite at dawn. I wanted to get dicked down all night, though.” she finally replied, blowing hot air onto your balls before taking both inside her mouth. You moaned once more as she took each one individually and released them with the same loud pop she used on your cock.

“Why don’t we do that then?” you asked. “But I think you should keep sucking my dick.”

Heejin smiled sweetly, giving the tip of your cock a long, deep kiss before taking you back into the familiar warm and wet feeling of her mouth. If there was one thing you knew about your girlfriend, it’s that she was always willing to sacrifice sleep if it meant you pounding her hard.

The next morning arrived early. Had it be a normal day, you and Heejin would have barely finished having sex for the night and begin the process of cuddling with one another before bed. But here you two were, 5:30 AM in a place that was meant to replicate being deep in the forest. If the particular forest happened to have wifi and public restrooms.

Heejin was not happy. Running on at most, two hours of sleep, she wore large sunglasses and a mask to cover up her bloated face. You were no better, always on the receiving end of her insatiable libido and constant sex filled marathons. Pulling up the emergency brake, you got out of the car and began unloading the items needed for the two day long camping trip. Opening up the passenger’s side door, you were greeted with Heejin crossing her arms. Even through the mask and sunglasses, you knew she was pouting at you and giving you the saddest expression ever.

“Babe, I know what you’re doing even though you’re covered up. It’s not going to work. I’m not carrying all our items and you.”

“But oppa...!”

“Come on princess, let’s have fun today.”

Heejin didn’t respond and got out of the car. You smiled at her, but were greeted by her pinching your nipple before walking to the campsite. You sighed, she really did have moments where she was a spoiled princess. The two of you unpacked your belongings and shared a simple breakfast together before Sooyoung and Yerim arrived. Both wore very casual clothing. Sooyoung wore a simple cropped tee that fully displayed her trademark abs and a pair of curve hugging jeans while Yerim wore an equally short tank top that highlighted her breasts and a pleated skirt.

You watched Sooyoung struggle to carry the heavy belongings, but before you could reach her and offer to help, Yerim dropped the few bags she was carrying and instantly ran towards you.

“Oppa!” she screamed, engulfing you in a windpipe crushing hug.

‘H-Hi, Yerim.” you managed to breath out.

Heejin got out of her folding chair and struggled to assist Sooyoung, having an unreadable expression on her face as she stared at you. You managed to find the strength to finally pry yourself free from Yerim’s death grip before finding an exhausted Sooyoung now occupying your once empty chair.

You walked towards her and sat on the adjacent chair.

“Hi, Sooyoung.” you said, greeting her warmly.

“Oh, oppa.” she said, smiling at you. “Sorry about Yerim, she was so excited when she heard you would be joining us. She stayed up all night planning how she was going to greet you after so long.”

“Unnie! Oppa, don’t believe her. She’s lying!” you heard Yerim whine from behind you two.

Sooyoung made eye contact with you and laughed, shaking her head. “Choi Yerim, what am I going to do with her.”

“Thank you for inviting me though, really. You and I have never gotten the chance to catch up like this after we graduated.” you said, taking a sip of coffee from the cafe you and Heejin passed by before arriving at the campsite.

The rest of the morning leading into the afternoon was relatively normal, with more and more camp goers arriving and the four of you catching up with each other. Yerim clung onto you the whole time. She never said anything, but you could have sworn you saw Heejin stealing glances at you the entire time while frowning.

“Okay, it’s time for tent assignments.” Sooyoung suddenly said, standing up and causing you to slightly jump from her loud voice.

“Why? It’ll just be oppa and I in one tent and you and Yerim in the other.” Heejin replied.

“I knew you’d say that, which is why I wanted to switch things up. Oppa and I share a tent, and you and Yerim share the other.”

“And why would I agree to that?” Heejin scoffed.

Sooyoung turned to you as you also raised an eyebrow in confusion. Smirking, she gives you a playful wink and subtly mouths her response for only you to notice. You’ve heard those words lately that you knew exactly what she was saying.

“It’s my turn.”

The four of you enjoyed each other’s company, having a rather normal uneventful day. Once nighttime arrived and it was time for bed, Heejin went over to you and gave you a heartwarming hug before asking for a kiss. When your lips disconnected, you found yourself longing for her, watching her thin frame enter her and Yerim’s tent. Before you could even react, Sooyoung dragged you into your own tent.

“Unnie I have to say, I think it’s pretty cool you’re okay with oppa having sex with all of us.” Yerim said as she finished applying a layer of night cream.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Heejin asked.

“I don’t know, it’s just…  I don’t think I’d be comfortable with my boyfriend sleeping around. I would fully trust him but no matter how close I am with friends, the thought of him falling in love with someone else would always weigh on my mind. But… you guys are inseparable. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Yerim gives Heejin a reassuring smile before grabbing her toothbrush and toothpaste and heads out of the tent to the restrooms, leaving Heejin alone to her thoughts.

“Why’d you ask for us to share a tent? We haven’t done anything like this since that hotel we shared on the field trip up north.” you said to Sooyoung.

“It’s just… you and I never get to share quality time like the old days. Especially after you and Heejin got together.”

“I really should thank you for that by the way, Sooyoung.”

“It’s no problem.” she said, smiling. “But Heejin did tell me something else.”

“And what is that?”

Sooyoung doesn’t say anything and instead makes her way towards you. You temporarily forget to breathe as your heart rate increases, anticipating her next move. She places a finger underneath your chin, tilting your gaze up towards her, a seductive smirk on her face.

“She’s shown me videos of you two. I must say, I’m starting to regret not sleeping with you during that field trip.” Sooyoung said before pushing you onto one side of the tent, straddling your lap at the same time. She rested comfortably on your thighs as she wraps her arms around your neck.

Your eyes widen as Sooyoung lowers her face closer to yours.

“Mommy won’t let this chance go to waste.”

Sooyoung bit her bottom lip as she leaned closer once more and pressed her lips against yours. Her lifts are extremely soft, and left the subtle taste of strawberries. She followed the kiss up with another, and then another. Each successive kiss clouds your sense of judgment, as you feel your defenses weakening and surrendering to her. You begin to reciprocate, the erotic lust building up inside you as the beautiful woman on your lap lets you indulge in the savory taste of her lips.

“We-we can’t do this to Heejin…” you say, breaking away from Sooyoung.

“Oh please.” Sooyoung said, another erotic smirk on her face as she kisses you once more. “Yerim and Hyejoo constantly talk about how hard you fuck them. Young girls are cute, but you need a real woman. Let mommy satisfy you.”

Sooyoung kisses you once again, using a lot more force this time. You feel your tongue reciprocating, crashing against her own. Your hands make their way from her toned and chiseled abs to her bottom, grabbing hold of her firm and smooth cheeks through her jeans. You feel her smiling as she continues kissing you. Pulling away after several minutes, you stare deeply into each other’s eyes.

“Mommy…” you moaned out.

Sooyoung’s lips are hungry, craving the taste of yours once more. Feeling you squeeze her ass causes her to grind on your lap. Her moans echo inside your mouth with each sensation you bring to her. Her hands move from the back of your neck back to your shirt as you feel her slowly begin to undress you.

Sooyoung manages to pull your shirt up over your head before planting a rough kiss on your neck. You moaned out as she tossed your shirt away. Wanting to taste her lips once more, you were prevented from doing so as Sooyoung found the hem of your pants. Her small, soft hands reach inside and remove your pants, tossing them along with your shirt. Biting her bottom lip, her eyes widen with excitement as she sees a prominent bulge forming through your cotton boxers.

She blows a kiss up at you before grabbing your boxers and pulling the thin fabric down. Your cock is now fully exposed, the cold nighttime air feeling comfortable on your exposed skin thanks to the thin slit of the tent’s entrance.

“I knew it was big in videos but fuck… your cock is so nice.” Sooyoung said, licking her lips at the sight of your throbbing erection. Grabbing a hold of its base, she gives you a painfully slow lick all the way to its tip, causing you to involuntarily close your eyes shut.

“Fuck, mommy…” you moaned, her tongue continuing to paint long strokes on the underside of your shaft. She swirls her tongue on the tip of your cock, collecting the precum that is beginning to leak out and replacing it with a generous amount of spit she collected from her mouth. She uses her tongue to expertly spread the fluid across your cock. You watched as your long time friend meticulously applied her spit across every inch of your shaft. Your cock is now glistening thanks to the portable light that is inside the tent. She grabs your shaft with her small hand and uses it to slowly begin stroking you.

Your eyes remain shut as you feel her apply several techniques such as counter rotating her grip on your cock and smooth up and done strokes. Her hands work your cock with ease, thanks to the copious amount of spit she applied onto it. Your moans continue to grow in length as Sooyoung makes you feel good.

“You like when mommy strokes you, baby?” she asked.

“Fuck…”

“Well, you’re going to love this.”

You moaned loudly as Sooyoung’s lips wrap around your cock, her warm and wet mouth coupled with the extremely tight grip her lips and hand have on your shaft causes your senses to run wild. She begins by only sucking the top half of your cock, never going past just a few inches from your tip. Combining that with stroking your shaft and the erotic gaze she has on you is already too much. Sooyoung is amused by your constant moans and seeing you tilt your head back in satisfaction.

The two of you are momentarily startled as you hear something loud next to you.

“Mommy… what is that?” you asked, a bit alarmed at how fast you have grown to accept Sooyoung’s self-assigned nickname.

Sooyoung begins taking more of you into her mouth as her hands grip onto your thighs. She takes you in her mouth and increases the speed at which she is sucking your cock, taking you deeper inside. You opened your eyes to find her bob her head, effortlessly deepthroating you. The tight seal her lips have around your shaft heightens the experience as your tip hits the back of her throat. Her tongue continues to drag up and down the underside of your shaft, leaving you in a constant state of euphoric bliss.

“It’s nothing, probably just Heejin snoring or something. Focus on mommy, baby.” she said before focusing her attention back onto your cock and guiding your hand to the back of her head. You brush aside her hair and gently caress the back of her head to guide her movements as Sooyoung smiles with your cock inside her mouth. You somehow managed to find the energy to stand up as you place both hands on her head and begin to fuck her mouth. Sooyoung’s bobbing motions become more forceful, the back of her throat repeatedly being stricken as you continuously push the back of her head down your crotch. Tears begin to spill from her eyes as you force her to take every inch of your cock. Repeating this several times, you finally hold her head down, hearing her gag as her nails dig deeply into your thighs. The ecstasy of having Sooyoung’s warm and wet mouth full of your cock is a wonderful feeling.

Sooyoung taps at your thigh, wanting you to release your hold on her. Quickly retreating from your cock, she gasps for air. Spit begins to seep down her lips and chin, landing back down onto your shaft which in turn is beginning to drip down onto the tent’s floor. She gives you the naughtiest smile ever, licking her lips in satisfaction before spitting on your cock once more. You have gotten head from Heejin and several of her friends, but this could be one of the best as well as the messiest you have received.

Your heart races once more as Sooyoung stands up and quickly removes her crop top and jeans.

“Holy fuck…”

Sooyoung had a wonderful figure. A nice hourglass shape that showed off her definite abdomen and flat stomach, hips that complemented beautifully sculpted thighs, and a pair of perky, yet comfortably sized breasts. This, combined with Sooyoung’s milky white skin, straight chestnut brown hair that gracefully fell down her shoulders, large, sharp piercing gaze and her beautiful smile  left you in complete disbelief that you never noticed how truly beautiful she was during your university days.

“You like mommy’s body don’t you, baby?” Sooyoung asked, earning a simple nod as a response from you. She makes her way back onto your lap, sitting just in front of your throbbing cock. She could feel you poking the back of her butt. Running her thumbs across your cheeks, sweetly she plants another tender kiss on your lips.

“You should’ve slept with me in college. I practically threw myself at you. I joined the dance club because I knew you were in it.” she said shyly in between kisses.

“But right now, mommy wants to ride your cock.”

You placed your hands on Sooyoung’s deadly hips, earning you another soft kiss. She places one hand on your chest while the other reaches down and finds your cock, positioning it so that it is underneath her. Sooyoung slowly lowers herself onto you, both of you letting out a loud moan as you enter her for the very first time.

“Fuck, baby…” Sooyoung moaned as her mouth opened while her eyes closed. Her pussy was tight, which was to be expected given her figure. But you didn’t expect it to be this tight. Both of you begin to breathe heavily as she continues to lower herself onto your cock. Your eyes roll back into your head as you marvel at the warm and tightness of Sooyoung’s pussy. She kisses you once more in order to allow the both of you to compose yourselves before placing both hands on your chest as she slowly lifts herself up before returning back down. The both of you appreciate how tight she is as her walls grip onto your cock and squeeze them. Sooyoung in particular relishes in the feeling of your cock parting her tight lips and filling her up.

She soon establishes a comfortable rhythm, increasing her pace gradually as her hips move forwards and backwards. She begins riding your cock faster with each bounce of her body. Your hands leave her hips in order to return back onto her ass. You savored how soft her skin felt, squeezing her supple cheeks before giving them a slap. Sooyoung let out a moan, laughing as you two made eye contact. The glint in her eyes let you know she was being turned on, which was also evident from your cock becoming even more wet. You continued smacking her ass, increasing in force with each one. Her moans grew louder, soon becoming high pitched screams. You feel her body shudder from how tender her ass has become.

Your hands eventually find their way to her stomach. You trace the definition of her abdomen, clear evidence that she has put in a lot of time at the gym. You were certain you could feel your cock inside her through her chiseled abs. Next, you moved on to her chest. While certainly much smaller than Hyejoo and Yerim, her breasts fit perfectly in your hands. You gave each multiple squeezes as you felt how soft they were. Pinching her nipples, Sooyoung moaned as she continued riding you.

Stimulating her upper body motivates Sooyoung’s lower body, as she increases her pace and rides your cock even faster. You feel her slamming down against you, her soft ass hitting your thighs with each bounce. Your hands returned back onto her hips as you caressed her sweat misted skin.

“Mommy wants to ride you all night.”

Sooyoung kissed you, biting onto your lower lip and holding on as she gently pulled on it. She grabbed your hands and placed them back onto her tits. You loved the feeling of being inside her, every sensation coursed through your veins. You wanted nothing more than to be used by her.

Sooyoung rode you with such force that you were sure all the other neighboring tents knew what was going on inside yours.

“I hope Sooyoung unnie doesn’t break him. He hasn’t fucked me in months.” Yerim said to herself softly as she heard the moans coming from your tent.

Sooyoung’s juices flowed vigorously out of her pussy as she continued riding you.

“Mommy’s going to cum, baby.” she managed to say.

You bit her nipple and that was all it took to trigger her orgasm. She entered a slightly euphoric trance as her pussy tightened on your cock and her body violently shook. Enough juices were released that you were almost pushed out of her. She enthusiastically bounced her hips on your cock as she rode out her high.

“Fuck, that was incredible.” Sooyoung said, breathing heavily. “But now it’s your turn, baby. Cum for mommy.” she said, riding you slowly as she interlocked your fingers with her own.

“Cum inside me.”

She used the little strength she had left to slam herself back down onto your cock. Sooyoung wanted to drain you, makeup for all the years lost that you weren’t inside her. Her hair was a disheveled, sweaty mess. The once thin layer of perspiration on her body were now beads that were constantly dripping. And the feeling of her breasts bouncing along with her ass smacking against your skin made her look even more appetizing than she already was. You wanted to finish inside her mouth, but would never turn down a request to cum inside a woman.

And so you laid there as Sooyoung rode your cock without a care for your feelings, her sweaty thighs that slapped against your own. The pleasure inside both of your abdomens rapidly grows.

“Mommy’s going to make me cum.” you cried as Sooyoung’s eyes lit up in satisfaction. She let out a moan with each bounce up and down your cock. Her lust filled eyes begging for you to finish inside her.

“Cum for mommy.” she said. You groaned loudly as you thrusted inside her in rapid succession before your cock throbbed, Sooyoung knowing this as she slammed her body onto you several more times until she took all of you inside her. The both of you let out a satisfied moan as you both feel your cock filling up her tight pussy and draining your heavy balls.

“Oh, baby… That’s it. Fill mommy’s pussy up with your hot, thick cum.” she said, kissing your forehead, nose, and both cheeks before capturing your lips once more. You were a bit uneasy, since it seemed like Sooyoung wanted to keep riding your cock. And while you wouldn’t have minded that, you were still sensitive from the intense orgasm.

Both of you spent a few moments resting - your chests heaving as you gave each other long, satisfied kisses. Sooyoung gingerly removed her body from your cock, each inch glistening from her juices. You both watched as your load began to leak out and coat her flushed thighs. Her bright pink freshly fucked pussy lips looked so beautiful. You were sure she was going to let you taste them eventually.

Tracing your cum that was leaking out, Sooyoung took it onto one of her fingertips and put it in her mouth. She let out a satisfied hum afterwards.

“Fuck, you taste good. Mommy better taste your next load.”

The two of you were exhausted, passing out shortly after as she snuggled into your chest.

The next morning, you exited the tent with Sooyoung clinging onto your arm. You were greeted by Yerim who had a warm smile for you, as she made an okay sign to Sooyoung and winked at her. Heejin returned to your campsite carrying bottles of water, wearing your hoodie you gave to her on your very first date. A sad expression was seen in her eyes as she saw you smiling while being held by Sooyoung. The happy feeling you have soon fades as you thought about your girlfriend.

Perhaps Heejin wanting to have sex the entire night so that you two would be too tired to go was her way of saying she didn’t feel comfortable about this trip. Perhaps you are overthinking things and it’s just Heejin being her sex addicted self. You always told yourself you only loved Heejin. 

But the thought of having missed out on a relationship with Sooyoung in university and the natural chemistry with Hyejoo and Yerim began to manifest itself inside your mind.

[ourstarscollided]

jatp fanworks appreciation - day 1 (writers)

motivation - so in true me fashion and my aversion to brevity, i've made three (3) posts (see also artists, gifs/edits) to celebrate the wonderful people in this fandom who have made my jatp tumblr experience what it is; a community of people who simply shout into the void about their love of a ghost band and their fearless female leader. i've enjoyed simply being on the sidelines admiring everyone's love for the show, but i thought this would be a good time to really show my appreciation for all these wonderful people, because if i've learned anything from this pandemic, it's that there is NEVER a wrong time to tell someone that they are simply ✨the best✨.

disclaimer: i don't interact with most of these people personally and i simply absorb their content from afar and scream about how wonderful they are in the tags.

This list kind of became a fic rec, so if you're looking for some wonderful fics to read (or reread), I've also included my favs from the author here as well.

Okay this is gonna get a little long so please bear with me. But I just wanted to preamble this by saying that the fanfiction written by the jatp fandom is what resparked my love for reading fiction after about 3-4 years of not reading for leisure (be an adult they said. it'll be fun they said.). So I'm really grateful for that? I don't interact with a lot of people, just because it makes me a little anxious, but I will constantly yell about your content in the tags as if I were on a set of bleachers with a megaphone.

I also know there are so many wonderful fic writers out there (on Tumblr and not on Tumblr) that make amazing pieces of work, and this is just a tiny peek into that, and is not at all conclusive.

Without further ado here are some writers who live rent free in my head, in alphabetical order, so feel free to just skip to your name to avoid my rambling:

@bluefirewrites -> your Merry Ex-Mas fic had me on the edge of my seat every single time you updated. I am so in love with how you wrote the characters into this and at how many words you churned out for this fic. This was filled with so much adventure, and it was really welcome during a time when the world wasn't allowed to travel. And I simply love all the other drabbles and fics you write, but I especially enjoy the hilarity of Ray Molina, Crime Scene Photographer and Matchmaker.

@captainkippen -> I'm pretty sure Love Drunk was one of the first fics I ever read in this fandom. Your stories and your writing feel so goddamn real and I find myself so immersed in the worlds that you've created. I have reread most of your jatp fics and I still manage to find myself stupidly grinning at my phone each time. Your stories flow so easily and are such perfect characterizations of the characters we know from the show, but elevated to fit into your verse. I cannot say enough how wonderful your writing is and how talented you are!! (also a slight nudge that I am still very much following along with The Key and the Crown and I hope you continue it!)

@catty-words -> Your???? Exhaustive??? Music??? Lists???? The amount of work and dedication and microanalyzing that you put into pulling out every detail from each scene is so admirable. You not only manage to find the details, but you also give us EVIDENCE via your intricately selected gifs. You could've just put the video of the performance, but no, you take your time to find that specific 1 second shot to emphasize your point. And your little fics that you sometimes throw out into the world? They're so beautiful, and so fun to read and I enjoy them so much! (I am STILL screaming about this band's a snack) Thank you for validating my yelling in the tags, and for feeding my hyperfixation to this show. (I'm sad these lists are ending soon, but it's about the journey ya know?)

@lydias--stiles -> I don't even know what to say here because I've yelled so much about your fics that I feel like there's really nothing else to yell. Your Road Trip AU was also one of the first ones I read in this fandom, and really just made me go absolutely feral. Pretty sure I absorbed the rest of your fics in an ungodly amount of time and I just simply think you are incredibly skilled and talented. Every time you post a new fic I always wonder what it's like to be in your head because the ideas you come up with are so unique and so well thought out. Thank you for all the art you create for this show, I will constantly be in awe of you. (Special shoutout to the 5+1 fic that became a 31 chapter monster)

@pearlcaddy -> This list would not be complete if I didn't mention you. First of all, thank you for suggesting this wonderful week, it has been so lovely to see so much love being spread around today. Secondly, I never thought I'd find myself reading a Buffy or a Wizarding World crossover fic, considering I know nothing about those two things. And yet I found myself on various nights after work at 3 in the morning just silently screaming and/or crying into my phone. Your writing is so insane. Your world building is so insane. Your banter/dialogue is insane. The way you capture the love between Julie/Luke in different universes is so perfect. Thank you for gifting us these beautiful pieces of art, and I hope you know that you have at least made one person (me) a very happy reader. I also really admire your dedication to "this will only be a oneshot", only to write like 4 other POVs for it. (Special shoutout to 100 Bad Days)

@ruzek-halstead -> Literally every single fic you have written lives rent free in my head. The way you've managed to build this universe of different Julies and Lukes, and each one still captures the essence of them is astounding. You've extended their characters beyond what we know from the show and I am just in awe of everything you write. Please know that dead of night is both triggering to me and yet the most hilarious thing I have read. (Special shoutout to the Fake Dating Christmas AU and of course the Cinderella Story AU)

@serendipitee -> Your stories and your writing are absolutely magical. I think Write It Down was one of the first multi-chapter fics that I followed super closely and whenever you updated, I would literally drop what I was doing and read it instantly. You have such a way of building the plot and the characters for all of your fics and drabbles, and making the reader just want more. Please know that I am so obsessed with Oh, She Waltzed With the Dead and I cannot wait to see where you take the story!

@sunsetcurbed -> I have no words for your writing. I am simply in awe every time I read something from you. The way you've got down Alex and Willie's voice to a tee is so crazy good. You write their characters and their stories with such grace and care, especially with how you approach the topic of mental health. Thank you for all the research you do and for also writing in your own experiences. I literally binged the Princes Diaries AU during work and lost a good half day to it, and I regret nothing because that fic left me in SHAMBLES. I secretly adore the way you say you're going to keep a fic short, and end up writing an insane amount of words for it. (I have not yet left my obligated long-ass comment on Chapter 4 of the College AU yet because I am still processing the fate/destiny concept.)

@tangledstarlight -> Gahh. Rosie. Please. This is going to sound a little repetitive considering I just screamed at you last night, but now I guess I will just have to publicly confess my adoration for you!!! Thank you for being my first online friend in a very long time, and for putting up with me yelling at you about everything (and also nothing at the same time). I can't believe all it took was one message about your Royals AU for you to post it, but I will gladly take that credit any day. You are so so so incredibly talented with your writing, and your ability to transport me to another world while I read your fics is unparalleled. I adore the way you can come up with a new story to write every day, and then proceed to throw it into your pot of other WIPs. I am so so so so lucky to have gotten to know you and am incredibly grateful that I now have someone to cry about everything with 🧡 (If you read anything from Rosie, you need to read her Seasons/Long Distance Juke "friendship" fic and the Reggie x Photography oneshot that made me bawl my eyes out.)

@thedeathdeelers -> No thoughts. Just soulmates. Jk jk, you know I love your Reggie x Ray x Carlos fics, and I will scream in the tags about it until the day I get more of those fics from you. This is lowkey a threat, but wrapped in kindness. You are so wonderful to see on my dash (albeit scary at times because of the sheer amount of headcanons and theories running through your head), but you radiate such positive energy that it's impossible to not want to jump in and scream about soulmates with you.

Some special mentions to fics that also live rent free in my head:

@sunsetsandcurves wrote a Willex Cruise Ship AU inspired by a Simple Plan song and it’s something I never knew I needed until I read it. 

@phantom-curve wrote a Juke fic based off of Coney Island and I would just like to say, yes, it did shatter me. (Here’s the fluff sequel that makes up for it though)

@unsaidjulie wrote the Juke dog fic of my dreams and I simply cannot express how much I want the Molina’s to have a dog now. 

@pawprinterfanfic managed to get me incredibly invested in a Star Wars AU even though I know absolutely nothing about Star Wars. I just know that I would die for two (2) space boys. 

@sanssssastark  your Later universe made me realize that I do very much want there to be more mature content for this fandom (and you constantly deliver).

@theobligatedklutz wrote a Tangled Willex AU that makes me screech every time there’s an update. Just read it.

@alexthedrummerboy your talent knows no bounds when it comes to your Social Media AU. Also she’s written ORIGINAL songs for Alex and Willie?!?!?! 

@gennified has this really wonderful modern take on pride and prejudice for Willex and I’m so obsessed with how much miscommunication there is.

@bananaleaves okay, I just found your Tumblr today, and I know you don’t know me in any capacity, but allow me to scream about THIS FIC RIGHT HERE. If anyone in this fandom is to read ANYTHING, it’s this fic. This was one of the best things I’ve read in a long time and absolutely wrecked me. Please just read this.

This turned out WAY longer than it was supposed to, and I’m SO SORRY. (I also tried to make sure I got everyone’s pronouns right, so PLEASE let me know if they’re wrong!) A final sincere thank you to everyone in this fandom who writes. Your talent knows no bounds. Gonna stop talking now before this becomes an essay....

[hallowxiu]

Three Minutes (Part 1)

pairing: diavolo/gn!mc

word count: 3.2k

summary: You want a unique gift for the future King of the Devildom. Who else would be brave enough to give Lord Diavolo pick up lines if not you?

a/n: part 11 of the mc isn’t good at pick up lines series. also this ties in a teenie tiny bit with the current halloween/birthday diavolo event that’s going on. enjoy!

part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten

A yawn leaves your lips as you once again find yourself sitting in for a council meeting. You aren’t sure why you’re constantly being forced to tag along to these stupid meetings-- last you checked you weren’t even a council member. Yet, Lucifer is always insisting (more like forcing) that you come along. If you had it your way, you’d be at home taking the fattest nap of your life right now. A nap so good that even Belphie would be impressed. 

And with that, another yawn leaves your lips. Someone clears their throat, and you look up to find your gaze falling onto Lord Diavolo. Oh shit, you’ve totally been caught zoning out. Lucifer is definitely going to kill you later for making him look bad. You hear your name fall from Lord Diavolo’s lips and a blush settles across your cheeks gracefully. “Had I known you were so tired today, I would have suggested the meeting be held tomorrow instead.” Now you’re blushing out of embarrassment. And terror, when you eventually look over at Lucifer. Yeah, definitely not happy. 

“Wha-- of course not. I’m not tired,” maybe you should have tried harder at covering up your yawns, “just, uh,” just what? Bored? Yeah, no, that would make it worse. “I’m so excited that I keep yawning. It’s a human thing; you’ve never heard about it?” To yawn while excited? It was most definitely not a human thing, but could any of the brothers really call your bluff? Probably. 

“Really?” There’s a look of surprise on Diavolo’s face, and it makes you feel just the slightest bit hopeful that he believed your lie. Lucifer looks unimpressed, however, which means he didn’t. Can’t win them all. 

“Yes. It happens to me a lot. If I get really excited, I just yawn. I yawn a lot. In general, many things to be excited over.” You’re sinking into your chair as you feel Lucifer’s glare become stronger and stronger with each passing second. 

“And tell me,” Lucifer says your name with barely hidden frustration, “what are you excited over?”

Shit. You should have known that Lucifer would quiz you on this. “Well,” there’s a terrified smile on your lips and the brothers are giving you curious looks, “that’s a great question. What isn’t there to be excited over?” You knew that wouldn’t fly at all. You needed to think of something. It’s as if a tiny lightbulb goes off over your head, a wide smile lighting up your features. “Why, Lord Diavolo’s birthday is coming up, right? I think that’s quite exciting! And Halloween! My personal favorite holiday, although I’m not really sure if you guys celebrate it here, but I’m still excited for it nonetheless.” This time Lucifer’s the one wearing shock on his expression, though he decides not to push the topic. You knew he wouldn’t; he wouldn’t be willing to grill you over Lord Diavolo while in the presence of the Demon Prince himself. You had never been more grateful to Satan, as he was the one who informed you of the upcoming birthday only a few days prior. 

“That’s actually what this meeting was called for today.” There’s a sheepish smile on Lord Diavolo’s lips as he speaks. “We don’t necessarily celebrate Halloween in the Devildom, but my birthday does fall upon the human holiday, so we do end up celebrating the week of. It’s just slightly different.” You’re thanking every god in the skies right now for pulling you through that alive. “I only called the meeting to see if everyone was okay with the festivities that will be taking place next week.” 

“Of course, Lord Diavolo. Leave everything to us, we’ll have everything planned.” There’s a tight smile on Lucifer’s lips, one that suggests that you should probably avoid the oldest brother for the remainder of the day. 

🎃🎃🎃

You sat through another two meetings in the last couple of days, all of which were Lucifer and the brothers going over every last detail for Lord Diavolo’s birthday celebration. Your role, similar to Lucifer’s, was to help each brother whenever requested. Which sounded easy enough at first as you didn’t share the entire weight of their responsibilities, however, that was until all the brothers were calling you non stop because they wanted to spend time with you. While cute at first, you were starting to get annoyed. 

Couldn’t they see that you had things to do too? You were already on thin ice with Lucifer since the first council meeting (the eldest even going as far to harass you each morning about getting enough sleep, should you yawn during another meeting). On top of that, you were cooking up some pick up lines for Lord Diavolo. A birthday is a special occasion, it’s another year you’re alive, which is special, right? Even if the person celebrating the birthday has been alive for thousands of years. 

You’re currently deciding on what method of delivery you should do. Should you write a shit ton of pick up lines on a homemade card and give it to him? Or should you tell them to him in person? Each method had their own list of pros and cons. For example, the pro of the card would be that Lucifer wouldn’t know, and therefore he wouldn’t kill you for possibly disrespecting the future Devildom King. However, the pros for telling him in person involved seeing his reaction and his response to each one, which was a little more tempting. Another question; should you do it when he’s alone, or when he’s at his party? Could you even get Lord Diavolo alone? You nearly fell apart when you got Barbatos alone, and he’s only Diavolo’s butler. 

You flop back onto your cushioned bed, staring at the ceiling above you. You watch as the blades of your ceiling fan lazily spin in circles as your mind works up the perfect birthday plan. Yes, you couldn’t just make a fool of yourself, the stakes are a bit higher this time. This wouldn’t be the same as giving one of the brothers a pick up line. Maybe you should just… 

You spring out of bed the second the idea hits you. You had the perfect idea. Why not just text him a pick up line each day of the week leading up to his birthday. This way you wouldn’t have to risk Lucifer overhearing it and you wouldn’t have to worry about cornering the man. Yes, this was perfect. 

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Your face turns to a scowl while Mammon spins in circles while in your desk chair. “Ya do realize this is Lord Diavolo, right? We don’t know how he’ll react to this.”

“And while that’s completely fair of you to think that,” you were too busy looking up pick up lines on your D.D.D to care about the outcome, “I know no one else is brave enough to do something like this. Come on, it’ll be great. A present he’s never received before.” 

“Ya sure do have an interestin’ way of reasonin’.” Mammon knew it was pointless to argue with you. “But don’t come cryin’ to me when Lucifer catches wind of this. Your funeral, not mine. Make sure ya stress to him that I had nothin’ to do with this.” 

🎃🎃🎃

MC:

Lord Diavolo, your birthday is in a few days, right???

Lord Diavolo: 

Yup! 

Why do you ask?

MC:

I have a unique gift idea for you! 

But uh

Don’t tell Lucifer

Please

Lord Diavolo:

Oh my.

Could it be? Are you taking me out to AkuDonald’s? 

MC:

w 

what 

Lord Diavolo:

Don’t worry, MC!

I will keep this our little secret! Lucifer won’t find out. :)

MC: 

No, wait.

That wasn’t it.

I mean, I can take you to AkuDonald’s too if you want. I don’t mind. 

Lord Diavolo:

It wasn’t?

Well, I hope you’re still willing to take me because now I really want some.

MC:

Is it really okay for the future King to go out like that?

That doesn’t matter. Gift idea.

Are you ready?

Lord Diavolo:

Am I ready?

Are you doing it right now?

MC: 

You’re gonna be hotter than the flames on your birthday candles.

Lord Diavolo:

W

Wh

What?

MC:

I broke him.

Anyway, this is just the first of MANY. Okay???

You’re gonna get a wicked birthday pick up line every day until your birthday.

Which is only in two days. 

So it looks like you’ll be getting many a day. 

My planning wasn’t great; I was a little late coming up with the idea.

But it’s the thought that counts, right?

Lord Diavolo:

I’m not sure what to say…

MC:

I’ll give you one more as a parting gift.

Hey.

Lord Diavolo:

H-Hey??

MC:

I bet you’re sweeter than any birthday cake.

Lord Diavolo:

WHAT

WHAT?

MC, WHAT?

🎃🎃🎃

“Wow.” Is all that comes from Mammon as he reads through your texts. “You’re so fuckin’ dead.” 

“What?” You look at the white haired demon with a frown. “But I promised him AkuDonald’s.”

Mammon shoots you a quizzical look. “As if that even matters.” A snort leaves him as he rereads the messages. “It is pretty funny though. I can only imagine how red his face was when he realized what you were doin’. And then ya left him on read! You made him text stutter and then left him on read! As if you weren’t already taking a gamble. Sheesh, what am I supposed to do with ya? Like, seriously-- who leaves the future King on read?” Before you open your mouth to comment, Mammon cuts you off. “And I can’t believe ya told him that you broke him. Ya aren’t supposed to say that to him.” 

You sheepishly scratch the back of your neck. “I mean, he didn’t seem to mind that much. Hopefully. I mean, I’ll take the execution if that’s what he wants.” Mammon shoots you another quizzical look, though this time he opts to stay quiet. “The next one I’m sending is tomorrow. I didn’t have a lot up my sleeve, so if I plan it right I should have just enough leading up to his birthday. Do you want to see?” 

He leans over to view the pick up lines you had saved on your phone. He presses his lips into a thin line as he reads over them. “Some of these are… brave. What are ya expectin’ to get out of that last one?” 

“What do you mean?” You ask with a raised eyebrow.

“Ya really want to tell him a line like that? And ya seriously expect nothin’?”

“I figured I should go all in if I’m going to be giving them to Lord Diavolo. Besides, it’s not like anything will happen, Mammon.” 

“Give what to Lord Diavolo?” A chill runs up your spine when the voice meets your ears. How was it that Lucifer scared you more than the actual crowned prince of the Devildom? 

“L-Lucifer.” You turn to face the demon with a shaky smile. “Mammon and I were just talking about gift ideas. It seems that no one has thought of anything yet, so we were just throwing ideas around. Nothing serious.” 

“You’re a bad liar.” Lucifer deadpans. “But I have a headache, so I’m not going to press you further. Mostly because I’m not sure I can handle whatever it is that you’ll end up telling me.” He pinches the bridge of his nose as he leans against your doorframe. “I just came to let the two of you know that dinner is ready. Come down now, I won’t be stopping Beelzebub from eating your food.” 

🎃🎃🎃

MC:

Did you miss me?

Lord Diavolo:

You’re going to give me a heart attack.

MC:

What? Why? 

Don’t do that. 

I’d get in a lot of trouble with Lucifer for that.

Lord Diavolo:

Are you really going to send me a pick up line each day until my birthday?

MC:

Yup!

Because I know for FACT that no one else is doing this.

Right??

MC:

Diavolo

*Lord Diavolo

Crap, don’t tell Lucifer I forgot the Lord.

MC: 

Wait. Answer me.

Is someone else doing this????

Or are you telling Lucifer that I forgot the Lord?

MC:

Omg.

It’s Lucifer, isn’t it?

Fuck.

What would a pick up line from him even be like?

Wait

Can you tell me?

I promise I won’t tell anyone. Except maybe Mammon.

He reads through my texts a lot.

Don’t ask me why.

Lord Diavolo:

I--

Sorry, Barbatos needed me for something.

Did you just have a crisis?

Over me not answering?

LOL

MC:

Lord Diavolo, I need to know.

Is Lucifer doing this too?

Also I need to know if you told Lucifer about me dropping the Lord.

Lord Diavolo:

No, I didn’t tell him haha.

And why would Lucifer send me something like pick up lines?

MC:

Uh

Anyway. Are you ready?

I’m sending it anyway.

MC:

You’re so beautiful, you made me forget my bad pick up line.

Lord Diavolo:

You think I’m pretty?

I knew having that sticker made of me in the dress was smart.

MC:

o ,,,,

k

MC:

Is that the sun coming up, or is that just the birthday boy shining? 

Lord Diavolo:

Oh wait, that one was cute.

MC:

I’m glad!

Tomorrow is your birthday, and naturally I only have one left.

So I suppose I’ll give it to you at your party tomorrow.

Don’t let Lucifer find out. 

Contrary to popular belief, I do value my life somewhat. 

🎃🎃🎃

“He said he liked it?” Mammon asks with disbelief lacing his tone. “I really thought I had seen everythin’ up until this point, but ya keep provin’ me wrong.” The two of you are crammed together at one of the many booth’s taking up the ballroom of Lord Diavolo’s castle. Everything was set up, and now you and the guests only had to wait for the birthday boy himself to arrive. 

“The birthday boy has to be fashionably late. It’s like, law.” Asmodeus had said to you only minutes prior. Law of what? You weren’t sure and he didn’t specify. 

“I know. I was surprised he liked them too. The first one was kind of lame, but he seemed pleased nonetheless.” If you have to admit, you’re feeling pretty smug with yourself right now. I mean seriously, pulling off pick up lines with Lord Diavolo? That has to be some kind of accomplishment, right? 

“You didn’t give him the scandalous one though. Don’t tell me…” You see a look of horror form on Mammon’s face. “Ya don’t plan on tellin’ him that one in person, do ya?” You only respond with a cheeky wink. “Oh, no.” He buries his face in his hands at the thought of his favorite human dying at the hands of his older brother. What a dilemma indeed. 

“Oh, yes. I already told him I’d be giving him the last one today anyway, so it’s not like he’ll be surprised. I just…” A devilish smirk appears on your lips and Mammon decides he doesn’t like it one bit. “Do me a favor?”

“Absolutely not.” 

“Mammon, come on.”

“No way.”

“Please?”

“Wha-- no! Don’t give me that look! I told ya a million times that the puppy dog look doesn’t work on me!” Except that it totally does. “Okay, fine.” His face beet red with his arms crossed over his chest, he turns around in his chair so that he’s facing away from you. “What is this favor?” He already knew what it was.

“I need you to distract Lucifer for me so I can get Lord Diavolo alone.” Mammon lets out the loudest whine of his life before slamming his head onto the table. A nervous laugh leaves you when several of the guests (Lucifer included) turn to look at the two of you. “Mammon, please don’t make a scene.” You say through a forced smile. 

“I’m sorry, you get to ask me to throw my life on the line so you can give Lord Diavolo a shitty pick up line, and I’m not even allowed to complain? Did I get that right?” 

“Yup.” The cheeky smile is back on your face. “Seriously though, do you think you can distract him?” 

“I mean, probably. I don’t know for how long though.” Mammon’s eyeing Lucifer from where he sits, watching the black haired male converse with some of Diavolo’s well known acquaintances. “He might get suspicious the moment I start walkin’ over to him.” 

“Just make sure your hands aren’t in your pockets so he can’t accuse you of stealing anything.” 

“You make it sound a lot easier than it actually is.” 

“I only need five minutes.” You cringe slightly when seeing the exasperated look on Mammon’s face. “Okay, maybe not even that! Three minutes; can you give me three minutes?” Mammon’s quiet for a while, the demon staring down at his hands while thinking over the entire thing. 

“Alright, I can probably get ya three minutes alone with Lord Diavolo. I’m serious though, I don’t know if I can promise ya any longer.” You rest your chin on the palms of your hands while looking forward thoughtfully. That’s fine, you tell yourself. You’ll only need three minutes.

You watch as Mammon practically glues himself to Lucifer’s side the moment Lord Diavolo finished his mini birthday speech. It was definitely suspicious, but you also didn’t give Mammon specific instructions, and he was doing this for free, so you really couldn’t complain. You watch as Lucifer tries to pry himself away from Mammon, and you watch as Diavolo catches your eye and walks over to you with a wide smile as he calls out your name. “I’m glad you could make it tonight!” As if I’d be allowed to miss your birthday party, a voice in the back of your mind mutters. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You respond with a smile. “Are you ready for your last pick up line?” A wave of excitement washes over you as you rock on the backs of your heels.  

“Of course. I’ve been looking forward to it all day! I can hardly wait to see what you’ve come up with.” His smile is almost blinding and you can feel your cheeks heat up. Was everyone in the Devildom this attractive? It wasn’t fair. 

“Well,” you have to get this perfect, although you aren’t entirely sure why, “I noticed you had already had some of your cake.” You knew this because Asmodeus had practically sobbed over how beautiful the cake was, and Beelzebub had almost committed murder while trying to hold himself back from devouring it. 

“I did, yes. You also had some.” That too. 

“Well, I was wondering if your lips are sweeter than the icing on this cake, because they sure look like it. Better let me taste first and confirm.” You smile widely as you stare at Lord Diavolo. You’re extremely proud of that one and while you aren’t sure why, you had been saving it for last. You wonder if Lord Diavolo also thought it was as cool as you had. Your smile starts to fade when you feel a pair of warm and soft lips pressed against yours, a sea of gasps (and someone choking-- was that Mammon or Lucifer?) echoing around you.

Oh.

Oh. 

You see your mistake now.

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

Changes Writing Challenge

I love this little nook of Tumblr so much, and I love the people in it who have become my friends. No judgement, the least amount of drama I’ve seen in a while, and just so much encouragement! Huge thanks to each and every one of you for making me feel like I’ve accomplished something whenever I post a fic or series! 

To celebrate hitting 500 followers, I decided to do a little writing challenge. If you saw this post then you know I’ve been making some changes as I have gone through the last year of rediscovering myself. In light of that, all of the twenty prompts below are quotes/from quotes which I have hoarded during this time to keep my spirits up and remind me I’m not alone. First, the boring-but-important stuff. Please read all of the information carefully! 

Rules, Guidelines, Important Dates:

1. Sign-Ups start when this post is live and will go through to June 28, 2021.  2. I will accept one writer for each prompt. If I have to add prompts, I will. 3. Please send your sign-ups to my ask box so they’re easier to keep track of. 4. In your ask, please include your preferred prompt and a backup option. Since I’m only taking one writer per prompt, I’m not worried about your pairing this time around. Also, please let me know if you’ll be posting from a URL other than one you’re asking from. To be included in the challenge masterlist, please post your fic (or the first part, if it’s a series) by June 30, 2021. 5. Please include an author’s note tagging me and mentioning the challenge in your fic post; include #ChangesWC in the first five tags. If the tag doesn’t work, you may DM the link to me, also. If you decide to write a series, please create a masterlist and only tag me in the masterlist. 6. Please give me up to 48 hours to read your fic before checking if I have seen it. If I have not liked it after 48 hours, please DO check. (You know, since we’re all aware of how unreliable tumblr is. And how I can space out at times.) 7.The challenge masterlist will be posted between July 1 and July 4, 2021. 8. There are no word count limits, but please use the Keep Reading feature if your story goes beyond 500 words. Additionally, if your fic goes beyond 5000 words, please consider splitting it into multiple parts. This is not a requirement, only something to think about.  9. You can use your prompt as dialogue, as an inspiration for a scenario, any way you want. If you use it as dialogue or somewhere else within the fic, please make sure it’s in bold text.  10. Because this challenge was inspired by rising up and not letting life get the better of me, I will accept most genres as long as your story has a hopeful ending.  11. For personal reasons, I do not read and will not accept into the challenge stories that include: non-con/dub-con, underage sex, adult-child romantic/sexual relationships, spouse-bashing, child abuse – I could go on, but I think you get the idea. If you’re not sure about something, I’m always happy to answer questions. Whatever you include, please be sure to warn accordingly. 12. Characters and RPFs are welcome.  13.  Bring on the ships, OFC’s, reader pairings, put yourself in the story. Whatever you’d like.  14. I can’t promise that I will read everything. Again, for personal reasons.  15. This challenge is about writing what makes you happy. I have to set some boundaries for (yep, you guessed it) personal reasons, but otherwise, please feel free to go wild with expressing yourself. If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask or a message! 

Prompts are below the cut, you know where to send your sign up! Happy Writing! 

1. Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end. 

2. We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are. 

3. If you’ve been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with a heart of an angel. 

4. If you have an idea you generally think is great, don’t let someone talk you out of it. 

5. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the tings that go on in your head. 

6. It’s a strange thing to nourish the thing that could kill you, in the hopes it does not kill you. 

7. I don’t really have a plan. I rely solely on caffeine and weirdness to get me through the day. 

8. You can’t fuck up anything that is meant for you. 

9. You scare people because you are whole all by yourself. 

10. You don’t know how strong you are until years later, you look back and see an incomprehensible survival. 

11. You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead. 

12. It’s funny, you know? How some people won’t listen until you have nothing left to say. 

13. Sometimes feeling right, after feeling wrong for so long, is the hardest thing to get used to. 

14. You had to be that person to become this one. 

15. Whatever you do, never run back to what broke you. 

16. You don’t know pain until you’re staring yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. 

17. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and trends you picked up while enduring a trauma. 

18. I’m still learning how to go back and reread my own chapters without feeling like I want to set all of my pages on fire. 

19. Healing comes in waves; maybe today the wave hits the rock. You are still healing. 

20. It could take you years to actually face what has happened. And numerous more to overcome it. 

Tags because why not:  @captain-s-rogers  @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @hurricanerin @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @shynara51 @sea040561 @pinknerdpanda @xtina2191 @beakami @heartsaved  @blackwidowismyhomegirl @averyrogers83 @jennmurawski13 @connie326 @whitewolfvibraniumdreams

[featherymalignancy]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling to find the motivation to write and I hope that you know that this is definitely not your fault🥺. Your day job sounds intense and I cannot even imagine having to write so much at work and then feeling pressured to write at home😔.

I just wanted to remind you that it’s 100% okay for you to take as much time off as you need. You don’t owe us anything, but I do think you owe your mind and health the chance to relax, recover and refuel.

Writing is hard. I know this because even reading can be hard sometimes and I know that appreciating someone’s work is so, so much easier than creating it yourself. So I want you to know that you are doing so much already💛. Your work is awesome and you are a queen😤! Actually, I fell into a reading slump for over three years, during which I just felt like I couldn’t read. I was so sick of analysing poetry and prose at school that I lost my love of reading and hated the idea of spending my free time doing something I was already forced to do.

And I think it took ACOSF coming out earlier this year for me to realise that reading was something I wanted to enjoy again. So, although I know that our individual experiences are different, I hope that you’ll give yourself the break that you need to fall in love with writing again! Your talent is so so incredible and I have lots of faith that you will feel motivated to write again, whenever you’re ready🥰.

Since I’m here already CAN I JUST SAY you are a GOD😩😌. You write so beautifully and you are so creative and it’s a delight to read your work! IVV has my entire HEART and it is EMBARRASSING to admit how many times I’ve reread it. That’s a lie I’m not embarrassed because i am an IVV STAN and I will die on this hill 😌. I love that it’s your magnum opus (AS IT SHOULD QUEEN) and this point I’m positive you’ve laced that fic with ✨the white wine that Nesta loved but only because Cassian chose it✨.

In all seriousness, I adore the way you’ve written these characters. Even though it’s an AU, I love that you’ve made Cassian into so much more than a shredded himbo. And your Nesta in this fic is my FAVOURITE ever and I wish her characterisation here was canon🥺. I admire her strength and resilience (and sometimes snarky temperament) and everything about IVV Nesta is so endearing and it’s so easy to empathise with Nesta despite her flaws.

The way you’ve written these characters makes it clear that you have so much wisdom and insight on the ACOTAR characters but also just the world in general? Your writing brings me (and, I’m sure, many other readers) so much comfort and I feel like you don’t hear that enough. I cannot thank you enough for choosing to give us this gift💛.

This got a bit long and I was going to keep going but I didn’t want to scare you off🤣🤣. Anyway, please take as much time as you need, we’ll be waiting🥺🥰💛!

LOVE YOU QUEEN THANKS FOR DOING GOD’S WORK ;)))

THANK YOU SO MUCH

I am sorry that it took me so long to respond, when I get a message this poignant and in-depth I get so overwhelmed with gratitude that I overwhelm myself and worry my response won‘t do the message justice!

I just want to thank you for sharing your experience, I think for most people in fandom, being a “reader” is a big part of our identities, so it’s scary and disorienting when you feel you’ve lost access to that part of yourself, even if only temporarily.

That is definitely something I have experienced in both my reading and writing during the pandemic, but I am learning to work through it and not be unkind to myself when there is already so much in the world currently making life more difficult!

I also want to thank you for your kind words about In Vino, despite my relationship with writing, hearing how my works have affected people will obviously never get old, so thank you so much! ❤️

[borathae]

Sibi, you exceed all my expectations every time. This chapter is so beautiful. And you made my weekend. I really needed my dose of Bunny and Lucky. You have no idea. So thank you so much for that❤️

As always let's review this gem. You are really starting off with them meeting in real life. I can't with these two. They are a little dense. Recognizing the voice and body proportions. But I obviously get it you don't want to assume that this is your client specially when Koo is wearing blue contacts. Big question is why does he even wear blue ones? It's a little sad that nobody said anything about the encounter. But I am sure you will find the perfect moment to reveal their identity💗

I am glad Koo had a good time with his parents. I am literally happy for every little moment of happiness. Not sure about his dad though. His mum seems nice. And at least she is recognizing his pale face. And not him thinking of Lucky all the time. You are in deep, Koo.

And the role play. Fuck the role play. So fluffy, so adorable. Not only Lucky is melting like chocolate but me too. I die for their soft side. It's so real while Lucky is trying to brush it off. Just accept your growing feelings. The anticipation for what's to come, has me on my toes. And I love the portait of her inner turmoil. I really want to know now what Bunny was thinking during the role play. And I can't wait for them to be real😳🥺❤️ And not him admitting he thought of Lucky the whole day. I love to see that.

I am forever ruined by you.

Just take my heart Sibi. Take it💜

And Lucky calling Bunny Cookie. What an emotional moment. But later she destroyed this magical moment while reminding him and her about the payment. But she is not ready to accept it yet. So I will wait til she can.

I am really proud of Koo for at least trying to to drink less. (The perfect song for this situation is this is me trying by Taylor Swift, hits very hard) His whole alcohol problem really hurts. But again little steps. He is improving. And it all makes even more sense now that Lucky had problems with addiction too. As expected she is dealing with a lot.

I am really glad Lucky admitted she is has a good time. I am sensing that she is a very garded person with thick walls so this is wonderful to see.

I also have a few questions if that's okay.

1. How much time has passed between the last chapters? 2. Is Lucky on the pill or an IUD? 3. I don't know if it's a spoiler but what does Bunny want to take care of? 4. Do you have the whole series already finished? Or do you write or edit some things later?

Last but not least I hope you are doing well. Please take care of yourself. I am sending you lots of love❤️

🌟

Gah my lovely star :( I always like to keep your messages in my inbox for a few days so I can go back and reread them over and over again, because they alway make me so happy :( 💜

Now let's start hehe because I have access to my laptop again YAAH

First of all, listen. I am forever ruined by you. That line hit me like a truck, like Jungkook pleASE :((((

And also gosh :( you sharing all your feels with me YES please feed me :((

Also omgmgmm not you being the first one to mention that Lucky is a very guarded person because YES like that woman is STRUGGLING right now because she likes Koo and it's like so "???" for her 😔🤧

Now to answer your questions.

1. Around two weeks have passed between chapter five and six. So Koo was with her one more time before the love making happened.

2. Yes she is on birth control and also goes to check-ups regularly, for both her overall health and to see if she is still clean. The club pays for both of those things, because safety & good health for her workers is Miss Boss' number one priority.

3. He wants to take care of Lucky and help her, so she doesn't need to work as a prostitue anymore. Because he sees that it makes her hurt sometimes and he hates seeing her in pain :(

4. I have the series finished, but I am still actively editing it. Whenever I notice that you guys have questions which the original work wouldn't answer, I go back and add the answers to those questions in a place of the story where I deem it fitting. Or if I randomly think of something I add it too jjdjsf

I hope this was able to answer your questions, I defintely had a blast answering them 🥺💜💕 thank you so much my lovely star hehe ily

[breadoffoxy]

Appreciation Post

I know things are pretty rough right now and someone told me making a list of what your thankful for can help look at the positive things. This morning I got to sleep in on a day off (I still have to go into my office during the week ack) and I woke up feeling super productive and wrote two pages which hasn’t happened in a while. I really like the creative brain I got going on today. So, I wanted to take the time to thank the writers on here that have helped inspire me to start writing through their works and spread some love at the same time to help brighten some days. Writers need more appreciation too. This isn’t a complete conclusive list, there’s so many great writers that I follow and read and I thank everyone for the time and effort and bravery of posting their work online. I’m not a great writer, but I got to start somewhere. I hope one day I can get to yalls level.

@mintedmango​ – You have definitely been the biggest help in getting me to take the step into writing. Thanks friend! You’re so inviting and friendly, and I really appreciate the help you gave me on my first story I posted, it means a lot. I also love how you are so multifandom, its hard to find things not BTS I feel like sometimes so thank you for writing so many things. Your hybrid stories are some of my favorites with how unique they are and I like all your supernatural themes, plus the yandere society has great stuff too. I love seeing how your writing grows overtime and I can’t see what new things you do. Thanks for dealing with me and my rants in messages haha.

 @54daysormore​ – Your one of the first kop fanfiction writers I started reading. Sorry it takes me a long time to read your stories, they really hit me in the emotions. They really hit a lot of personal things and it helped me figure out a few things about myself. Thank you for writing these stories and I can’t wait till I can make it through the rest of your work.

 @gingerpeachtae​ – Concentric has been such a journey and I fell in love with it since the first chapter. I love the world building you have and your characters. Haha I have to yell Tae is precious every time. It’s such an amazing fantasy story and I just wish I could write something amazing like it. I can’t wait to see what other adventures you send your readers on next.

 @jincherie​ – Ok so I’m sure you know how much I love your stories with how much I say it in my reblogs haha but I really love your stories. You are versatile in so many different writing tones that it is amazing. From serious and smutty to silly and cracky to heart warming fluffy and everything in between you got it. I love your creativity and writing style. I really want to work to writing as well as you!

 @cinnaminsvga​ – You make me laugh, you make me cry, and you make my heart warm and fuzzy. I really love how you write and explore your characters. Your pokemon AUs I think are amazing and you got me interested in looking at the social media AUs. I love how diverse you are as a writer! Thank you for being so awesome!

 @btssavedmylifeblr​ – Ok I started reading kpop fanfiction with your fics on AO3 and found you on here and it opened me to the gateway of kpop heaven so thank you! I think how much research you put into your fics is amazing. I’m more used to academic writing now than creative so when I see you talk about your research, I’m like I can do that too. So now I just need to find a topic I really want to go crazy on and go from there and see how that helps me on my writing. Thank you for your stories and the hot crazy adventures they send everyone on.

 @readyplayerhobi​ – You make my sci-fi heart weep with joy. Starfire makes me want to write my own sci-fi story but whenever I try to plan anything your story keeps popping up in my head because I think it is the perfect space adventure. I just want to yell all the sci-fi things at you haha. All of your fics are amazing. I still think it is funny how I read all your funnier fics first haha. I appreciate the vulnerability you go into with your fics and with your characters. Also, thanks for sharing fics you like as well. They help me find lots of good new things to read.

 @underthejoon​ – I love your writing and it makes me really happy whenever I see you up on my dash. Your really good at playing with my heart strings in your writing. I want to learn the art of writing both super sweet and ugh angsty feels from you. Your so talented! My heart can’t take it haha.

 @kpopfanfictrash​ – I love your determination as a writer and wish I could have that same drive. I think it is amazing you are writing your own book, and that even though your last project like that didn’t turn out how you wanted you are still giving it a go. I also really like all the writing advice you post, its super helpful. I love all your stories, you have so many and so many of them are so long. There are so many different genres and tones and ah your crazy talented and again I thank you for your dedication to writing. I know I’m late to the exo train but I really enjoyed reading those along with your BTS fics.

@stutterfly​ – I know I mentioned this before but I really love your found family vibes from your Love Bytes fic. I love how all your characters are so different yet click together so easily. My heart isn’t ready for your future installments but I’m also super excited. Please teach me the art of slow burn. Your stories make me go crazy haha.

 @gimmesumsuga​ – Sweeter than Sweet is like the holy grail of this fandom I feel like haha. It is so amazing. And your dedication to finish such a long series is awesome too. Ah I’m so sad its over but it was such an amazing journey. I remember reading Beneath the Boughs and it was so crazy to read it just because of how you write Namjoon in STS. Both feel like you really captured part of the essence of Namjoon and yet those two characters are so different from each other. It really shows your writing prowess, poof mind blowing. I also really love By Its Cover so much too, again so different from everything else. I can’t wait to see what you do next!

 @crystaljins​ – Your also one of the first fanfic writers I started reading on Tumblr and I really love your work. Your so good with friendship and building up relationships in your stories. You take your readers on the ups and downs of relationships. I reread your fics a lot, Schemes and Tricks to Win her Heart is one of my favorites. Thanks for writing and sharing!

 @hobiwonder​ – Thank you for putting up with all the commissions I threw your way. I really do think you are an amazingly talented writer. I keep reading them over and over, the Jimin one always pulls at my heart. Your fics on your masterlist are so hot and awesome. Let me just say your awesome x 3000.

 @suga-kookiemonster​ – You are ruining me with Taehyung just to let you know. He is wrecking me so hard please stop haha. In all seriousness I love all your fics. How do you write things so hot and amazing?! I’m a slut for satisfy and the hush series. Ego is also super amazing and I love how wacky it is. Like how do you come up with the poop in the dishwasher!? I love how you write your characters so much too. I hope one day I can write wacky and sexy as well as you do.

 @johobi​ – When You Least Expect It. Alskdjfas, I don’t even know what to say haha. If I can write something just 10% as good as it, I’ll be happy. There’s so much of everything I can’t take it. The tension in it is killing me. I really like the take you make on it with the mc as well. Everything on your masterlist is amazing!

 @jungshookz​ – I love your stories so much. I find the bullet point format interesting and I may have to try that in my writing and seeing if that helps me out. I love how long and escalated your ideas have become even though you finished the stories for those characters. Your ideas just seem to be never ending and its amazing. I love how your readers just throw ideas at you and you run with them so well too.

 @hollyhomburg​ – I also really like your bullet point style and want to try it out sometime. I really like your scenarios and your BTS as witches one I reread a lot. It really makes me want to try my own scenario writing too. The romances in your stories are so good and sweet, I love how you build them. Dance to this is one of the first hybrid series I read so thank you for such a good start in that genre, I love that one a lot.

[riskeith]

omg hi. sorry i disappeared for a few days, been super busy with school. i missed you a lot. how have you been?

i haven’t had the need to eat any food since i got barbara and noelle on my team. if one of them can’t shield, the other comes in a clutch haha. *bows* thank you ladies for your service.

i’d pay hard earned money to see fanart with the boy scouts playing with guoba.. :( and YEAH. that would be so fitting? + it’s gonna be liyue themed which is super nice. do you know any predictions over which four stars will be in xiao’s banner? and who do /you/hope will be there?

last time i played three days ago unlocked dragonspine.. i even did albedo’s quest i can’t believe i defeat that evil place sjshdksk. meaning i got so some primogems and some intertwined fate. i’ve been itching to use some of the intertwined fates to get xiangling c rate up... should i?

october 20 is such a cute bday. you know how some dates just look nice? that’s one of them shskdhs. i want to say my birthday too but i feel like if anyone reads our messages they’ll know who i am... sorry. you’ll have to wait for that information until we privately talk some day. big promise. 🤍

ooh. you kind of wing it too, then! in some ways. if you’re not feeling it do you leave the fic for the day after or give up on it for a while? (so many question... shut up @ me) i’m the same as you! but i also write sometimes in the day time and i feel like that’s when i produce my best work. yesterday i was at a cafe studying and during a break i just started writing a fic and for some reason it just flowed so nicely? so yeah idk skdjdhsk. whenever it strikes i suppose.

i do borrow my books sadly. i kind of have to because i don’t have anymore place to put my books (we live in a small apartment) and books are kind of expensive :( i don’t mind borrowing though because i don’t really reread books unless they’re super special so it’s fine. do you buy yours? I HAVE READ LEGEND. i read it waaaay back in grade school haha, it’s been ages ago. i’ve never seen anyone say it’s their favorite but i can see why you feel that way. it’s kind of underrated in the community for sure.

dude fuck... chongyun and xingqiu live in my mind rent free. i kid you not i just can’t stop thinking about those boys... please send me all the fanart you find i’ll literally give you my life for that <3

i just listened to the g-idle song and AAA? wtf? i used to really like them while i was into kpop and this is so nostalgic to me. i haven’t listened to kpop in literally years shdkdhdk. this song is great thank you for sending it, do you like g-idle? <3

WAIT ARE YOU MAKING A SECOND ACC? I WAS LITERALLY CONSIDERING DOING ONE IN ASIA FOR YOU... shdjdhdjshsjsj our minds. and yes i’m in american server... oh god. our co-op date can happen? 🥺 but if it’s too much work for you i’ve seriously actually considered doing one in asia for me i’m totally fine with starting all over so.. 🥺

god i’ve missed talking to you so much. once again i’m sorry for not being here, but hopefully after tomorrow’s exam school will be a bit more chill and i’ll be yours again.

hope you’ve been well babe. mwah!

hi!! that’s alright ahah, i assumed that was the case. i’ve been well!! and then not so well bc we weren’t talking 🤪 needless to say i’ve missed you a lot too <333

omggg QUEENS!!! i don’t have any healers but i don’t eat food either... LMFAO unless it’s a boss fight i’ll just keep going until i’m done with whatever it is then go heal at a statue fsdhfkdjs

!!! brb just gonna go get good at art so i can draw that for u 😩 i don’t have any predictions myself, but i’ve seen people say it’ll be ningguang + beidou + barbara possibly?? but of course, i would hope that xingqiu was there <3333 he can appear twice in a row come on mhy <3333 just think about that <333 and omggg i’d wish if chongyun came as well.. i really want to get him to c6 (but he was only two banners ago?) hbu do you have any thoughts on the matter~

AHAHAH good job im proud of you 😤😤 show that nasty place who’s boss!! if you want to, I don’t see why not! it’ll get you closer to pity as well so by the time venti is near, hopefully it won’t take you much to get him! lmk how it goes!!!! manifesting c6 xiangling for you 🔥

fhskdf thank you... is it weird to say i agree? FHDSKFHSDKFKJ like. 20/10 or 10/20... nice even multiples of ten numbers.. AHAHAH. no need to apologise at all!! 🤍🤍🤍🤍 share whatever you’re comfortable with whenever you’re comfortable <33

hm it depends. (i just reaslised i said this exact phrasing last time too lmfao) i think i usually give up on it for a while? but sometimes i try to force myself through it too, just to get over that section so i can hopefully move on to a better one wait sorry i misread your question LOL. i usually leave it for the day as opposed to give up on it for a while! if i’m actively working on something i’d prefer to continue working at it slowly, even if the progress is just me opening the doc and then exiting after 5 mins fhdskj. are you the same? (NO!!! DO NOT SHUT UP @ YOU i never get to talk about writing processes pls im enjoying this a lot)

nice!! the vibes when writing during the day are sometimes better as well, bc it’s still light and stuff you’re not sitting in the dark or with a light on.. lol. it’s more ~natural~ & omg legendary... i love that for you!! on that note, do you usually study at school/cafes/libraries? i pretty much can only study at home, i hate doing it anywhere else. 

ahh that’s fair :( and yeah i agree books can get so expensive? like the authors def deserve to be compensated for all their hard work but damn lmao. oh that’s a good point! i do buy books yeah, and i don’t even necessarily reread them i just like having them on the shelf fhdskfd (there are many i haven’t even read for the first time... oops.) what ages do grade school cover? sorry i have no idea what that means fhsjfkshsdkjs the different names for education levels will never not confuse me. !! yeah i really wish legend was more popular aaaaa

here are some recent arts i’ve bookmarked!! (rip i should find one more so every word is linked but cbs hfskdhfs) i’m also considering making a genshin twitter! idk why i’m so averse to following these amazing accs on my normal account lmaoo but i’m also thinking of posting pics from the 52485 photoshoots i do with chongyun..

oh nice!!! i’m really happy you liked it 🥰🥰🥰 and yeah i do like g-idle but i don’t stan them! that’s me with most groups tbh fshkfjsd but i do watch most of their MVs when they first come out~

FSHFKJSDHFKSD wait what if.. this but it’s us surprising each other in the other’s servers <33 and if i’m telling you the truth... i kinda despise the idea of playing in am*rica server FHSDKJFHSDKFHSDKKDSHFKSDHKKJ but we could compromise and both start again in europe?? ahah let me know what you think! if you’re happy to just do one in asia tho that’s fine as well~ 

me too!! and no worries for real, school comes first!! (even if it fkn sucks... @ school i hate you. i say, when i’m still on holidays FHDSKJFJS) aaaa good luck on your exam!!! i hope you smash it 💪💪 

also um “and i’ll be yours again”??!?!?!?!? be still my beating heart 😩😩😩😩 i shall be waiting for you wifey hehe

hope you’ve been taking care of yourself!! kisses, c.r.

[rdmfavcpls]

Breaking News

Title: Breaking News

Category: Digimon

Rating: T

Pairing: Ami/Arata

Summary: Arata wants to go to a convention about reporters. Ami tries to talk him out of it, but they still end up going. He finds out why she was so hesitant later.

Prompt: “I really wish you’d told me your mother was in town.”

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Digimon

Author’s Note: I’m just throwing this out here but for some reason, this story I am very proud of. I don’t know why, but every time I reread it I just felt proud. I haven’t felt this proud in my stories in a long time.

~~Story Begins~~

“Please, Ami,” Arata said. “I just want to go to one’s person’s talk. After that, we can leave.”

Ami stared at Arata. His face did not match the desperation that was showing in his grey eyes and his long black shaggy hair only highlighted the intensity of his grey eyes. “We can’t go next year?” she said hopefully.

She already knew the answer.

“No. Yukino only shows up to these conventions once every five years because of how busy she is. This year has been her biggest year since she started,” Arata said.

“I’m sure it will be uploaded online,” she said. 

“It won’t have the same feel. Why are you doing this?”

Because I don’t want you to leave me.

Ami closed her eyes for a second. She knew that her fear and anxiety would show in her ocean blue eyes and while her flaming red hair would be able to hide her eyes, it would be weird for her to suddenly take her hair out of its side pony. 

“Fine,” she said with a sigh that allowed her emotions to escape. A sigh that Arata picked up on. “I’ll go with you, but I won’t go to Yukino’s speech.”

I can’t destroy the image that everyone has for her. I could never measure up to her.

“Ami, is something the matter?” Arata said. 

“Nope, everything is okay. I’m just disappointed I’ll miss the biggest episode of my soap opera,” Ami said. “I could sneak out and watch it while you listen to Yukino’s speech.”

She didn’t see Arata’s furrowed brow. “Ami, you don’t even watch soap operas,” he said. “Besides, Yukino’s speech isn’t scheduled at any of the times that soap operas come on.”

“Summer assignment.  Need to watch three episodes and do a character study on all of the major characters,” Ami said. 

“Okay, and you plan on doing this during Yukino’s speech?” 

“It will give me something to do since I know she’s the only one speaking at that time,” Ami said. “This way you can stay longer and -”

“As much as I would love to get her autograph, I’m not that patient to wait in line,” Arata said. “You really don’t want to go, do you?”

“Not really,” Ami said. 

He kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”

~~Digimon~~

“You know, you didn’t have to dress up,” Arata said glad he had his hood up to hide his ears. 

“What?  You don’t like it?” Ami said as she poked his side. Her yellow shirt was replaced with a white shirt that had no sleeves and ruffles in the front and a black skirt.

“I never said that,” Arata said. “Shall we go?”

“Of course,” Ami said with a smile.

~~Digimon~~

Ami stayed close to Arata’s side. She had a tendency of getting lost in places like these, but she also trying to avoid someone.

She didn’t want her to see them.

“You okay?” Arata said. 

“Yeah, why? Oh, am I getting too close to you?” Ami said. She took a couple steps away from him.  “Sorry.”

Arata watched her. People did surround them, but he doesn’t know who they are and they are too busy in their own conversations to pay attention. He knows Ami is a saint, someone who deserves a man (or woman) that is a lot better than him, but he’s selfish. He’s been selfish the entire year that they’ve dated and she’s been patient.

She has the brightest smile on her face when she was allowed to poke him in order to tease or get his attention. She accepts his small kisses on her forehead and knows that is his way of saying ‘I love you’ because he’s too much of a coward to say them to her. 

Next month they will have their one-year anniversary and he hasn’t properly kissed her yet.

“Arata?” Ami said in a small voice.

He reached over and grabbed her hand to pull her back to him. The grip of his hand didn’t loosen or change when she was too stunned to try and ask him if he was sure. He did use this moment to intertwined his fingers in between hers.

“You wasn’t too close. I know how easy it is to lose you in crowds like this for some reason,” Arata said as he allowed her to see the pink on his cheeks which meant his ears were red. “I know you didn’t want to come here, but you seem like you are in a room filled with predators and that you are prey.”

“Ah. Sorry. I didn’t think it was that obvious,” Ami said.

“Is there someone here who you are trying to avoid?”

Ami nodded her head and swallowed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you really wanted to go,” Ami said with a smile. “As long as I keep an eye out, I’m 60% sure that if I see her, I can escape before she notices me.”

“Is this person dangerous?”

“Oh! You should get going so you can have a good seat for Yukino’s talk.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll work on my soap opera project,” Ami said. She leaned up and kissed his cheek before she walked away.

Arata felt her hand pull away and he watched her walk away. He frowns. He didn’t realize that the person who she was avoiding would be here or that they were dangerous. He looked at his hand before he shoved it in his pocket. He was already missing the feel of her small, smooth, delicate hand in his own oversized hand.

~~Digimon~~

“That was super amazing!” Arata said. 

He was walking next to Ami and they were heading back to his apartment. 

“Yukino is so amazing and cool. Not only is she a hard-core overseas reporter, but she is also a big fan of history and video games!”

“I’m glad you had fun,” Ami said.

“Thank you so much for coming with me. You really should have listened to Yukino’s talk. Your mother is a reporter, isn’t she?”

“Yes, why?”

“Yukino gave a lot of notes over how to be the best reporter and everyone was taking notes!” Arata said as his pace quickened so he walked ahead of her.

He was still talking about Yukino’s talk and Ami knew he was in his fanboy state, but it hurt. Because he was talking about Yukino. Just like her past boyfriends.

She’s only had three boyfriends in her 21 years of life, but she’s left the last two because of Yukino. The little voices of self-doubt and jealousy whispered in the back of her mind that she had tried to ignore. 

“I love Yukino!” Arata said.

Ami stopped in her tracks as the voices yelled inside of her head. She stared at Arata’s back as he kept walking. It was the first time she has ever heard him say that the L word.

Love.

It wasn’t directed towards a fictional character or a historical person. It wasn’t aimed at one of his family members or her. It was being aimed at Yukino.

A celebrity, a tough reporter that wouldn’t stop until they got their answers, a well-respected woman around the world, a fighter for many things, and a survivor of cancer. 

Her own mother.

“Ami?”  Arata said as he turned around to look at her when he noticed she wasn’t beside him. “Ami, are you okay?”

“What? No, I’m sorry,” Ami said. She grabbed her left arm. “I just remembered that I have an errand I needed to get done today.”

Arata narrowed his eyes as she grabbed her arm. It was a sign that she was lying that he wasn’t sure if she knew it or not.

“Sorry, I got to go,” Ami said and ran off.

“Ami! Wait!” Arata yelled. 

She was already lost in a crowd of people. He couldn’t see her red hair anywhere and no one was being pushed or shoved out of the way.

~~Digimon~~

“Has any of you seen or heard from Ami?” Arata said as he reread his message before he sent it in a group chat. He sat his digivice down on the table and paced. 

It’s been two weeks since Ami ran off. Their year anniversary was coming up and he hasn’t seen or heard from Ami except for when she messaged him that she couldn’t make it to their date. He’s tried to hack her digivice, but it was offline.

He picked up his digivice up as soon as a series of beeps sounded.

Yuugo: Not recently, why?

Yuuko: I believe I saw her at Akihabara last week,

Yuuko: She looked pale and showed signs of crying.

At least, Yuuko saw her. He didn’t like her description of his usually cheery and bright girlfriend. However, Nokia hasn’t responded yet. She’s usually the one who knows about Ami whereabouts or condition. The one who Ami goes to whenever they have a fight.

Arata: Nokia?

Nokia: ...Can you erase all traces of this conversation? 

Yuugo: Why?

Yuuko: It is possible. 

“Please,” Arata whispered. “Please tell me that she’s okay.”

Nokia: Try her apartment.

Arata: I already did. She’s not there.

Nokia: Try again. You might’ve missed her. Just be gentle when you see her.

Nokia: She’s hurting.

Arata: Thank you

~~Digimon~~

Ami yawned as she stood by the escalator on the first floor. She always enjoyed spending time with her mother, but so much as happened and she’s drained. 

It didn’t help that she cried the first two nights her mom was back. Then they were busy baking that Ami believes she will have the smell of sugar, butter, and spices linger on her for a good month. 

Her mother was a reporter and knew that Ami was hiding something and with Ami’s past experiences, she knew it was a boy problem. Yukino had to tell Ami something important as well so she took Ami out for shopping which was a mistake because her agent saw them and - 

Ami rubbed her temples as she felt a headache approaching and the pain medication wearing off. 

The agent crossed the line. He had grabbed Ami and shoved her against the wall. He had his phone out, ready to call the police because she was one of Yukino’s fans that got way too close when her mom got in control and fired him on the spot.

Than after Ami got checked out at the hospital and Yukino spoiled her and drowned her in love and apologizes. Yukino had to start the search for a new agent that WAS approved by Ami and would understand that Yukino cannot have a big workload since cancer has started its battle with her again. 

“I need to remember to spoil Nokia soon,” Ami said as she continued to rub her temples. 

Nokia was the only person who Ami leaned on at this time. She wasn’t going to fault Arata for his feelings over Yukino. She was interesting and hardcore to all of her viewers. Everyone loves her and Ami is nothing like her.

She also wasn’t going to fault her mother because her TV personality was still a part of her. She went to unscripted TV reporter from zero to one second when her ex-agent picked her up. Her mother was also a doting and lovable mother that always prided Ami has her biggest achievement and the best reward she ever received. 

So, Nokia listened to her in a digicall as she cried and spilled all of her insecurities she always had about herself. Nokia learned about Ami’s past boyfriends and the internal struggle she has between seeing Yukino at events and avoiding her at events because of how she’ll act.

Nokia learned about her insecurities she felt with her relationship with Arata. She refuses to pressure Arata to do something that he felt uncomfortable doing just to push some of her own insecurities away.

Nokia took it all with a willing ear, a late night ice cream snack, cinnamon whiskey, and surprised comments (You’ve been dating a year and he hasn’t kissed you yet?  Before you say it, kissing on the forehead doesn’t count.” “Hold up! You’ve been dating for a year and you haven’t heard him tell you that he loves you even though you say it almost all the time to him?” “Why wasn’t I informed of this earlier? Someone needs to tell him to man up and if he doesn’t then I call  dibs on taking you away from him.”) with stride and promises not to tell anyone of her troubles. 

That is until Ami and Arata get married and Nokia gives the maid of honor speech. It is also because of Nokia that Ami isn’t going to break up with Arata yet. Her own mother seems confused over Arata as well and told Ami to give him another chance.

“Ami!” she heard a familiar voice say.

She turned her head to face the person, but she was engulfed in a hug. Her chin was resting on a white-clothed shoulder and black hair was seen out of the corner of her eye. 

“Thank heavens that you are okay,”  Arata said. “You lied to me and then ran away. You kept canceling on me and I couldn’t track your digivice. Kyoko said that you had two weeks off and I couldn’t find you at any of your usual places.”

Ami didn’t say a word. She was stunned but she registered Arata’s comments.

Arata pulled back to look at Ami and she blinked. He looked as tired as she felt physically and mentally. His hair was always a mess, but it looked more of a mess and small bags were under his eyes and his grey eyes looked exhausted, but there was relief and happiness in them.

“Ami?”

“Sorry, give me a minute,” Ami said with a smile. “I’m in shock over you hugging me.”

Arata pulled Ami back into a hug. “I thought I lost you,” Arata said into her hair.

Maybe Nokia knew something Ami didn’t because this wasn’t how he usually acts. It couldn’t be because he was worried about her. 

“I didn’t mean to make you worry,” Ami said. “I’ve been busy and I was going to message you today.”

“I’ve been trying to find you,” Arata said. He pulled away from her a little bit. “I missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Ami said. “Oh! Lily said you have a package waiting for you at the bookstore!”

“Why?” Arata said. “I haven’t pre-ordered anything for a while.”

Ami shrugged and held back a painful groan. “I’m just letting you know the message.” Arata grabbed Ami’s hand. “Huh?” 

“You’re coming with me,” Arata said. “Please.”

Ami smiled. “Fine, I’ll go with you, but I am not going inside.”

“Why?”

“You know that I have an addiction to books,”  Ami said. She went to grab the railing for the escalator only to wince in pain. “Ow.”

“What happened? Are you hurt? Nokia said that you were hurting.” 

“I’m fine,” Ami said. “I just have some sore muscles in my back.” She tried to move her hand away from his but he only tightened his grip.

Arata looked at her like he didn’t believe her. He nodded. “Okay, we’ll take the escalator and before you ask, no, I’m not letting your hand go. Why did you run off two weeks ago?”

Ami paled as they rode the escalator. 

“Ami.”

“It’s stupid, really,” Ami said as they got off the escalator. 

“You don’t just run off because of something stupid. That’s Nokia’s department.”

“Oh! That was quick,” the lady that stands outside the bookstore said. “I’ll go grab the package for you, Mr. Sanada.”

“Thank you,” Arata said with a nod. He focused on Ami who stood by the blue robot.

“Like I said, it’s stupid,”  Ami said and looked away.

“You may think it is stupid, but it must mean a lot to you. I can’t see how it will be stupid.”

Ami mumbled under her breath as Arata released her hand. 

“What was that?”

“You said love for the first time in front of me,” Ami said.

Arata blinked a couple of times. “It was over a celebrity,” he said. “Someone who I will never meet in person. Even if I did, I wouldn’t leave you to go be with her. The  way she acts is all scripted anyway, so that’s not even her personality.”

Ami wanted to argue that nothing that Yukino does is scripted. It’s mostly unscripted, but Lily had come back outside the store.

“Here’s your package,” Lily said. “Thank for doing business with us.” Her face went red. “I screwed up!”

“It was almost flawless, Lily,” Ami said with a smile. “Just keep practicing.”

“Thank you,” Lily said with a bow. 

Arata started to walk away and he thought Ami was beside him. He didn’t notice a woman with a tan jacket on the escalator. “I don’t understand why you would run away from that. I mean I’m - wait a minute,” he said and then stopped. “This is addressed to me, but it has your return address on it.”

He turned around and saw Ami was still by the robot, but tan jacket covered arms was draped over Ami’s shoulders, the hands overlapping at the wrists by Ami’s chest. Brown hair was laying on top of red hair and Ami was looking up at the other person who had brown eyes behind glasses.

“I don’t like him.”

“You haven’t liked anyone that you have interviewed,” Ami said with a sigh.

Arata slowly walked towards Ami.

“He believed that I should be bragging about my rewards and trophies and blah. He also said that I should do double the work since I haven’t worked the past two weeks and ‘when the time comes’.”

Arata raised an eyebrow as the female took notice of him.

“You must be Sanada,”  the female said. “Hello.”

“Yes, hi,” Arata said.  He was surprised that he didn’t feel tongue-tied being around this woman like he thought he would. “Sorry to bother you but may I have my girlfriend? We were in the middle of a conversation.”

“Oh?  I thought you were a fan of mine. Besides, I love Ami more,”  the female said and rubbed her cheek against  Ami’s.

“While I am a fan of your work, Yukino, it doesn’t give you the right to hold my girlfriend captive,”  Arata said. 

Yukino moved her head to rest back on top of Ami’s head. “That’s a first. I like him. Yeah, I remember him. He ran out of the room as soon as my speech was over. Didn’t even bother to stay for the autograph thing.”

“Book signing,” Ami said.

“Ami has a tendency of getting lost in crowds,” Arata said. 

Yukino gave him a confused expression.

“What?” Arata said.

“I don’t believe you. I don’t have any trouble with Ami in crowds,” Yukino said.

“That’s because you have a heat sensor on me,” Ami said in a joking manner.

Yukino smiled. “No,”  she said. “It’s because my mommy senses know you are nearby. Speaking of. My mommy senses are tingling right now. How is your head feeling? Your back?”

“Wait? What?” Arata said completely shock.

“Oh? Ami didn’t tell you? My ex-agent shoved her into a wall. She has a concussion and bruises all over her back,” Yukino said.

“She didn’t tell me that,” Arata said. “I was referring to what you said before.”

“Yukino is my mother, Arata,” Ami said. “Mom, this is my boyfriend, Arata.  Her TV personality is still her.”

“It doesn’t come out when I’m not on TV unless Ami is in danger,” Yukino said with a laugh. “Anyway, your head?”

“Is fine and no you cannot skip out on the interview,” Ami said. 

“Aww,” Yukino said. “I want to spend more time with you and your boyfriend.”

“Oda Mia is your next possible agent. She should be waiting for you at K-Cafe in a few minutes,” Ami said.

“Fine,” Yukino said and pressed a kiss to Ami’s cheek before she let her go.

“Good luck,” Ami said. She turned her attention to Arata. “Arata, I’m so so-”

“It makes sense now. The reason why you ran off. Because I said I love Yukino who happens to be your mother,”  Arata said as he stepped close to her. 

“Yes,  Arata. I told you that -”

Arata kissed her forehead. “I love you and only you, Ami. However, I really wish you’d told me that your mother was in town.”

Lily hid inside the store and acted like she was putting books away only to watch everything unfold. She bit her lip so hard to where a little blood escaped from her attempt to hide her squeals. 

She bounced on her toes as she watched Arata give Ami a true kiss for a change and lead her to the elevator. Once they were outside she couldn’t contain her squeals of excitement and scared some of the customers.

“That was so much better than an episode of a soap drama!” she said. “So glad I came to work today!”

[ardentlyjae]

All I Want - Part Two (First Half)

Pairing: Taehyung/Reader, Jungkook/Reader

Genre: Angst, War!AU (Trigger Warnings: Violence, Gore, Death)

Rating: M

Word Count: 18,296

Summary:

You’ve been in love with Taehyung your whole life, even following him into war. Now you have to deal with the effects of living during a brutal war that takes everyone.

Author’s Note: I had to break this part into two because the entire document was ~40K+ words haha.

Part One | Part Two | Part 2.5

You woke up to the sound of a loud bomb in the distance. It had become such a routine now that you didn’t even register the noise anymore. The loud sounds that resulted from battles and attacks did not surprise you, or even get a reaction from you.  They all just signaled the beginning of a new day – a new busy day. Sometimes you wondered what your life would be like if you had decided not to volunteer as a nurse, but the thought of you just waiting at home while your closest friends experienced the horrors of the war firsthand was enough to make you think that you made the right choice. There was no way that you were going to let them experience this alone. Though you couldn’t actually be next to them, you wanted to make sure that Taehyung, Hoseok, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin all knew that you were with them through all the good times and all the bad.

It had been a year since that initial choice – a year since Taehyung had made that promise to talk to you after the war was over. The letters that Taehyung sent to you, that all of your friends sent to you really, became the thing that you looked forward to the most. The fact that you were abroad with them made them come more frequently, although the last time you had seen any of them had been the day they enlisted. They continued to update you, each boy’s personality still managing to shine through each letter you received.

But something had changed in the letters lately. Jimin’s letters had a sense of apprehension, as if his sudden short and curt replies to you seemed to be hiding something. They did not have the same feeling, the same personality, and even the things that he wrote to you about seemed more mundane than they had previously. It wasn’t just Jimin either. The last time you had received a letter from Taehyung had been over a month ago. You still received your biweekly letters from the rest of the boys, and you still sent out your own biweekly letters, even if that meant that you lost a few hours of sleep each night and there wasn’t much you had to update them on.

It wasn’t until almost two months after Taehyung’s last letter that you realized why his communication had ended so abruptly. You checked the makeshift mailroom that had been made in a tent a few hundred feet from the entrance of the hospital you were stationed at. It had become a habit to check the mailroom everyday, as you were never really sure on when a letter from the boys would arrive, except that you were guaranteed two per month. Instead, what you found waiting for you was a set of two letters from Taehyung’s mom which you found strange. She hardly ever wrote to you, choosing to send any messages to you through Taehyung or your parents. Bidding the soldiers sorting the mail a goodnight, you quickly ran back to your small room inside the hospital, sensing the need to be alone before you even opened the envelopes.

You took a seat at your desk and opened the envelope that was postmarked earlier, knowing that it was the one that you should read first. Sometimes the mail from home was so delayed that you would end up receiving multiple letters at one time, each postmarked months before, though these two letters were from two months ago – with each postmark dated just days from each other. You tore open the envelope of the earlier letter, revealing the crisp white paper inside and began to read.

Dear Y/N,

How have you been my dear? Your parents send me updates as soon as they receive your letters, and I’m glad to know how you’ve been doing. I feel just the same amount of pride as your parents do as you tell them about all of the soldiers that you have saved. You’re growing up to be a wonderful young woman with a bright future ahead of you.

I was wondering if you had received any letters from my son recently? I haven’t heard from him and I know that he maintains really good contact with you. It could just be that the boys are busy, especially now that they’re off being heroic and fighting, but if you hear anything could you please let me or your parents know? I would love to hear from you as well.

Take care of yourself darling.

There was an immediate sense of dread that came over you. The thought that something might have happened to Taehyung immediately came to mind. If he hadn’t been sending letters to you, it could have been because he was too busy, but not sending letters to his mother was so unlike Taehyung that you couldn’t help but think that there was something wrong. If there was one thing that he cared about more than your friends and yourself, it was his own family. Perhaps it was that and the combination of Jimin’s unusually bland letters that almost made you suspect that there was something he was keeping from you.

You took the second letter from the side of your desk, slowly opening the letter, as if part of you was afraid of what its contents would be – and you were afraid. Your subconscious refused to allow you to move faster, the letter holding one of the most frightening answers at that very moment. Unfolding the letter, you saw his mother’s large handwriting once again and taking in a deep breath you began to read. The first thing you noticed about the letter was that the writing was messier, with smudges and words that were almost illegible. The paper was also rougher in some parts, as if it had been wet and dried while it was being written.

Dear Y/N,

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, especially when you’re abroad. A few days after I sent my other letter, my husband and I were sitting at home. We had a knock on the door and there were two men there dressed in their uniforms. I’m so sorry honey, but they told us that our boy, my son, was missing in action. His plane had been shot down over enemy territory and that it was likely that my boy was likely dead though they could not recover his body.

They told us that his dog tag was found and they gave it to me. It feels like a part of me just died. Like the biggest and brightest light in my world has just ended. My husband has begun making preparations for his memorial service. I wish you and the rest of the boys could be present but I know that you’re off fighting the war. When all of you come back home, please come visit our house. It needs the life that my son and all of you brought.

I wish my boy had been able to tell you how he felt. I always considered you like a daughter, and I hope you considered me like a second mother to you. I always thought that you would marry Taehyung and become my real daughter but I guess that will never happen. My boy, he loved you so much. He told me that just about every single day as a child and as he grew up I never once doubted that those feelings ever changed. There was no other girl that he ever cared for as much as he cared for you. I’m sorry to tell you this over a letter, and I hope you can come over when you are back and this damned war is over. Please take care of yourself and try to focus on the effort first. Thank you, and thank you to all of your friends, for making my son’s life one that he was so happy to live and for giving him many memories that I’m sure all of you cherish.

Please, take care of yourself.

You read and reread the letter a million times after that initial reading. You refused to believe any part of that. Your heart began to beat increasingly fast and your breathing hitched. How could Taehyung be missing? How could the military just write him off as dead? You felt the emotions welling up inside of you, just bubbling underneath the surface, ready to spill out at the slightest movement.

There was no way Taehyung could be dead. Your mind was full of your memories with him, his brown hair and boxy grin that seemed to be permanently on his face. There was his deep voice that always lulled you to sleep and filled you with a sense of protection. You remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled and the way his eyebrows furrowed when he was confused or angry. How could someone that your entire world revolved around be gone?

You felt the tears begin to fall from your eyes as the realization suddenly dawned on you. You would never be able to see him again. You wouldn’t be able to feel his hugs when he greeted you or said goodbye. You wouldn’t be able to hear that laugh that you swore was the most incredible sound you had ever heard or his smooth voice whenever he sang along to a song on the radio. The picture frame that sat on your desk, an old photo of you and Taehyung at the park during high school, suddenly became one of your most prized possessions in that moment. You took it in your hands, desperately wishing to go back to that time, or really any time before Taehyung had enlisted in the military.

How could someone as pure, as friendly, as bright as the sun be gone? If this war had never occurred, maybe Taehyung would be around. As you sat there, you realized that you would give up everything just to have seen his smile one more time.

This war didn’t make any sense to you. Nothing about what was happening to all of the soldiers out on the battlefield ever made any sense. The only people that seemed to be suffering from this war was everyone that was fighting, the people on the front lines, and the people whose lives the soldiers affected.

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of you. You could hardly breathe, struggling to get in air through your sobs. There was an immeasurable pain in your chest and you could barely think, your mind just filled with thoughts of Taehyung, of things you wished you had said and done before. You wished you could go back and tell him how you felt earlier. How different would life be if you had done that? Would he have been more careful? Would he have still died?

Taehyung was your world. How were you supposed to act when your world was gone?

17 MONTHS LATER

It was your birthday, yet you did not feel like celebrating. You didn’t tell any of your fellow nurses or supervisors. It had been months, a year and more since the day that you received the news about Taehyung, yet it still stung as if you had just received it minutes prior.

The boys had all found out through you, all except Jimin who was in the same unit as Taehyung and knew before even his mother did. He found out as it happened, you later learned, with Jimin being the last person to hear Taehyung’s transmission over the fighter pilots’ communication lines. Jimin was told he was not allowed to report anything until Taehyung’s family was notified through the formal military channels, and it became apparent to you that was why his letters had become so distant.

Since that news, the war had only gotten more brutal. The hospital that you were assigned to was forced to move closer to the battle lines as an attempt to get help sooner for all of the wounded soldiers that made it back to the base. The new hospital was in a large building that used to be a mansion for some rich aristocrat in the 17th century, but had since been turned into the main medical center for the allied countries. It was in the middle of the countryside, about five minutes away from where soldiers from your country and its allies had dug trenches opposite the enemy’s.

This particular day had started out with a relatively quiet morning, an event that you had grown to appreciate greatly since you enlisted as a volunteer. You were walking down the hall, when one of your coworkers sped by you, running to an emergency room with supplies spilling out of her arms. You had just finished treating one of your patients when another one of the nurses grabbed your wrist, pulling you to the foyer of the hospital.

“There was a large battle in the morning and it didn’t turn out in our favor. We got a message a few minutes ago that there was a large amount of wounded,” she explained, her face visibly worried. You simply nodded, immediately realizing what was coming, and turned to look at the entrance.

The foyer had two large, white doors opposite the main entrance that two nurses were opening. Inside that lay a grand ballroom, almost the size of a football field that had been converted into a large emergency room. You could see nurses rushing, moving soldiers that could be moved onto gurneys, clearing the beds for the expected patients. Other nurses came to wait with you and your coworker, the head nurse giving instructions for the large amount of soldiers you were expecting. As you looked around, you saw that even the nurses who were given the night shift that week were still working. You felt sorry for them, knowing they must be exhausted, you knew you would be. From the looks of all the available staff, it meant that the amount of wounded soldiers would be higher than usual.

“Prioritize the soldiers who can be saved! Those that need to be treated immediately that you can treat without the help of a doctor. We are running low on morphine and other supplies so please use it sparingly. There should be an extremely large number of soldiers being brought in very soon!” The head nurse yelled out as she walked down the line.

You could see other nurses biting their nails, and you looked down, taking in a deep breath. Having served for a year now, you had gotten used to all the blood and gore caused by war. Many patients you had treated had passed away and you felt yourself becoming numb to all of the atrocities. In fact, in a way it helped that you had managed to be able to witness an amputation without gagging, making you into one of the doctors’ favorite nurses to have in the operating room. You could focus better on trying to save their lives rather than on anything else as well. You always remembered that the soldier you were treating was someone’s friend, brother, son. The man in front of you could always be to someone else what Taehyung was to you. In fact, every man that ended up in front of you was Taehyung. He was every face you passed by, every patient you saw. You made a silent promise to yourself at that moment, that whoever you were left to take care of would survive at whatever cost. That was all you really wanted for your birthday.

You heard the first siren in the distance and watched as the truck turned onto the road leading to the hospital. All nurses and doctors immediately ceased speaking. Everyone was ready for the oncoming flood of wounded soldiers, all of you only hoped that there would be enough supplies to treat everyone.

Multiple trucks full of soldiers began arriving shortly afterwards, and men who were fine helped carry in those that were wounded. All the nurses sprung into action, pulling gurneys and leading men to beds inside of the large ballroom. There was yelling everywhere, cries in pain from the wounded and men yelling trying to explain what had occurred to the person they were carrying. You ran to the side, pulling a gurney with you and you saw a tall man with broad shoulders holding someone.

“Put him on the bed!” You yelled in his direction, pulling the bed so that he could reach it.

After laying the soldier on the gurney, you saw that he was shaking, possibly from all the wounds he had received, yet he made no noise as the other soldiers did.

“He was shot and then a grenade went off near us!” the man holding him explained, panicked and worried about his companion. “Please save him! He’s only twenty years old!” You simply nodded to him, saying in a hurried voice, “I’ll try my best.”

He helped you push the gurney inside of the ballroom, while you searched for an empty bed, finding one on the row by the wall underneath a window. There he transferred the boy to the other bed and stood a few feet away as you began examining the soldier’s wounds.

He had burns all over his chest and arms, one of them reaching the lower half of his neck. There were other burns, some running down his left leg. Then there were the gun shots. You could count nine as you examined his body. On the left side of his body, one had hit his clavicle, two hit his upper arm, and another had hit his forearm. There were two more gunshots that hit the right side of his ribcage and stomach. The final three seemed to have hit his left thigh, with one grazing the side and leaving a surface wound. How this boy had managed to take all these injuries was beyond you, but you were sure going to try to make sure he survived.

You worked quickly, putting gauze on all the gunshot wounds to stop the bleeding. You could feel the other soldier’s presence behind you, watching as you worked with a frightened expression and you figured that the two were friends, slightly adding to the pressure that you had already placed on yourself. Once you finished covering up all the gunshots, you looked up, searching for the nearest doctor and noticing one a few beds away and doing quick exams on each of the wounded.

You began disinfecting all the burns, noticing the solider wince every time you touched him but never once making a sound. It struck you as odd, as the rest of the soldiers yelled out in pain while he stayed silent, only showing his pain through the intense shaking and a slight groan he would let out every once in a while. Dirt covered his body, making you worry about his wounds getting infected. If he was only twenty years old, you didn’t want him to lose an arm or leg because of an infection. You had seen too much of that already and one more life that could be permanently damaged by the war would only anger you more.

The doctor reached your patient within a few minutes, shining a flashlight on all the wounds and commenting on your quick work to cover up all the gunshot wounds. After a few moments he ordered, “He’s going to need surgery. We don’t have time to take him to the operating room, so wait here. I have to pull out the bullets lodged in his body. Give him enough morphine to last until I finish examining the rest of the patients.”

Nodding, you administered a small amount of morphine, watching the shaking slowly begin to stop. When you saw him begin to calm down, you changed the gauze covering one of his wounds that had soaked through. All around the room, there were cries of agony as the rest of the nurses ran around trying to keep their own patients alive. You sat beside this young man, waiting to make sure that he continued to stay alive and so that he would be ready for the intense amount of pain that you knew was sure to come when the doctor began to remove the bullets lodged in his body. The only thing you could hope for was that the morphine you gave him was enough to lessen the pain even slightly. You softly cleaned his face, removing all of the dirt from his cheeks and forehead in an attempt to calm him down. As you took off more of the dirt, you began to realize that this boy was actually pretty handsome. You noticed that he had a small mole underneath his bottom lip, another right under the very tip of his nose, and a mouth that was tinged a light shade of pink. His closed eyes also seemed as if they were actually quite large and he had soft features that made you want to try everything possible in order to save him.

As you were taking in every crevice, every feature that lined the boy’s face, the lead doctor came back to you saying, “None of the operating rooms are available. I’m going to remove the bullets here.”

You heard a gasp behind you, remembering that the other soldier who had brought him in was still standing a few feet away. It wasn’t the first time for you to witness a procedure usually done in an operating room to happen in the large ballroom, but you could tell that it was for him. He probably didn’t want to see his friend getting metal instruments poked into his body to remove bullets.

“You might want to go outside, possibly help bring in more wounded. This isn’t going to be pretty,” you warned him. “I will look for you when we’re done.”

He nodded quickly, running to the exit without a second thought. You looked at him for a few seconds longer before turning back your attention to the patient and waiting to receive instructions from the doctor.

A few hours later, most of the yelling had subsided – either from morphine or from soldiers passing away. You had been sitting next to the bed of the wounded solider, monitoring him to make sure nothing happened to him. You refused to let someone you helped die on your birthday, even if it was the last thing you did and continued to sit by him as the rest of the nurses began to retreat back to their rooms, exhausted from the day’s events. The sun had begun to set, casting a soft yellow glow in the room. You had taken a few minutes to run back up to your room to grab a book in order to keep yourself occupied. Around you, the other nurses had just finished their rounds, or were slowly wheeling those that passed away out of the room.  Earlier in the day, you had gone searching for his friend but could see that he was nowhere in sight, but you were too exhausted to do some deep search in the soldiers’ base.

As you looked around the room, you didn’t notice when one of your other fellow nurses, a girl named Rachel, came up beside you with a pastry and a small, lit candle. Although you rarely spoke much to any of the other nurses unless it was about work, Rachel had become a close friend of yours. A few years older than you, her boyfriend had been drafted into the army a few days after he had proposed to her. She volunteered as a nurse to at least have a chance to run into him again, though she knew it wasn’t likely. She was one of the few who knew about Taehyung, including the news that managed to break your heart every single day but you saw her as a kindred spirit, as both of your reasons for enlisting were almost exactly the same as each other’s.

“Happy birthday,” she whispered. She had noticed the boy in front of you was sleeping. You smiled, “Thanks.” “Are you going to stay here all night?” She asked, looking concerned. You turned back to the bed that held the solider, and said in a soft voice, “I can’t let him die. Not today.”

She didn’t say anything else. Instead she just patted your shoulder softly and turned to leave the ballroom. There was nothing she could say that would make you change your mind and you appreciated that she understood that. Rachel always understood your thoughts before you could even make a sense of them yourself and that was a quality of hers with which you were extremely grateful for. It made your life a lot easier and made working at the hospital more tolerable – even if you were surrounded by so much suffering.

After a few days had passed since your birthday, the hospital resumed its normal routine, though now inundated with more patients. You went back to the rounds that you did on a daily basis, checking on each of your patients and making sure that they were all doing okay. They had begun moving some of the wounded soldiers that had come in that day into rooms and as you checked your assigned rooms, you saw that you had three new patients to take care of. It didn’t surprise you. Everyday there was some new patient that was given to you.

It took two hours before you finally reached the last room assigned to you. It was at the end of a long hallway in the northeast corner of the mansion. You pushed a small cart with a tray of food and a few bandages and stopped at the door of the room. One more patient and you would be done with the first half of your shift and then be able to go to lunch. You sighed to yourself, already feeling drained from the previous rooms you visited. Slowly pushing the door open, you walked inside and instantly recognized the face of the soldier in the room.

His eyes were closed, but after spending the entire night by his bed, his sleeping face had become so familiar to you. When you couldn’t sleep, you had found yourself studying his face as if it was a piece by Michelangelo, taking in every single detail of his features. You paused for a few seconds, looking at his face and wondering what his life was like before the war even started. Did he have a girlfriend back home? Did someone else confess to him before he enlisted like you had to Taehyung? Something about him reminded you of Taehyung, but it wasn’t his looks. They didn’t look anything alike.  Maybe it was because he was around the same age as you and Taehyung, though something told you that was not the case.

You walked to the edge of his bed, picking up the clipboard with his chart on it to read what you were supposed to administer to him. His name was Jeon Jungkook, you read. The chart called for a redressing of all of his wounds twice a day as well as a few other steps for medication to keep infections from happening in any of his wounds. The cabinet on the opposite wall from the bed held all the bandages and gauze and some of the medicine, and you walked over to pull some out.

Pulling a stool to the side of his bed, you slowly began to remove the old bandages that had hardened due to the dry blood and applying some hydrogen peroxide softly to disinfect the wounds. As you treated him, you began to think about Taehyung once more, bringing a dull ache to your chest again. If you were completely honest to yourself though, your mind never wandered from him though. He was in everything that you did. You removed all of the old bandages and looked down at the soldier’s wounds, you couldn’t help but think about Taehyung and his last moments, your mind continuing to drift from this boy to Taehyung as you worked. You hoped that he hadn’t suffered like this boy had, hoped that he didn’t experience the pain that you were sure Jungkook had even though you gave him massive amounts of pain medication. You could not imagine what it must have felt like to have a grenade explode near you and get shot multiple times and somehow still survive.

It was when you had finished redressing the wound by his collar bone that you realized that his large eyes had opened. It was also then that you noticed that there were tears in your eyes, and you wondered when you had begun to cry.

His large eyes looked at you in surprise and you couldn’t help but jump away. Staring at each other for a few seconds in complete silence, you were the first to break into movement. Quickly giving him the prescribed medicines and leaving the food for him in a distance that he could reach, you ran out of the room as soon as you were able to, pulling the door behind you shut. You leaned against the door to his room, waiting for your rapid beating heart to slow down as you took in deep breaths. If you went back to the nurses’ station like this, they would ask questions that you didn’t even know the answer to yourself.

You weren’t sure what caused you to be so caught off guard. He was just surprised to see you, at least that was what you thought. He probably hadn’t been expecting the nurse treating him to be crying. You wiped the tears from your eyes and looked down for a few seconds in a feeble attempt to calm down your heart before it burst out of your chest.

It was the next day before you saw Jeon Jungkook again. You had taken the rest of the previous day off, asking one of the other nurses to cover your afternoon shift because you were feeling under the weather. You couldn’t admit to yourself that it was simply because you didn’t want to run into him again. Now today, you had once again finished serving and treating the rest of your patients before you found yourself standing in front of Jungkook’s room.

You stood outside his door for a minute, collecting yourself before you did something else dumb around him and before embarrassing yourself once more around one of your patients. Taking in a deep breath, you gave yourself a little bit of a pep talk as a feeble attempt to get you to open the door.

You knocked twice on his door to announce your presence and then stepped inside, pulling the cart holding his food behind you. Today, he was awake and the second that you walked in, his eyes immediately went wide in recognition. You tried to pretend that you couldn’t feel his stare, but when you looked back at him a few moments later, you could see his curious eyes watching your every move.

Sitting down on the same stool you sat on the previous day, you gave him a quick warning that you were going to be giving him a bit of morphine so that he wouldn’t hurt so much while you tended his wounds. Jungkook nodded, continuing to stare at you in an almost apprehensive way.

After waiting a few moments to make sure that the morphine’s effects had begun to kick in, you began to redress his wounds. You started at the legs because those were the furthest away from his curious, large, doe eyes that you would eventually have to face. You were dreading having to get near Jungkook to redress his collarbone wound, but you continued to repeat to yourself that you were a professional and that no soldier before had ever caused you to get so flustered around him, so you didn’t see why Jungkook had to be so different.

You slowly worked your way up his body, disinfecting and redressing every single wound and dabbing the cotton ball soaked in hydrogen peroxide on all of his burn marks. You were sure that the majority of his body would be covered in some form of scar for the rest of his life, yet of all of injuries had happened on his body – none had hit his face. It wasn’t until you had finished redressing the collarbone wound, and finally moved your head away from the mere inches where he was, that Jungkook spoke.

“Why did you cry yesterday?” He said, in a voice so low that you almost didn’t hear it. You paused, in the middle of pulling the cart over his bed to place his food in front of him. “What?” You asked, knowing it was the only thing that you could muster in your shock. “Yesterday, when you were treating me. You were crying and then you ran out,” Jungkook responded, his eyes still full of curiosity and a hint of timidness. You looked down, unsure of what to say. You weren’t even sure yourself why you had begun to cry, so how could you even explain it to him? “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he said, staying silent as he waited for your response, as if somehow he knew that you yourself didn’t have an answer to his question. You stayed quiet, hesitant to answer. When he noticed your hesitation, he spoke again. “Sorry, I was just curious. I thought I had done something while I was asleep.” That was what made you look over at him, taking a good look for the first time since you walked into his room, straight into his eyes. “It wasn’t you. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure myself either why I had begun to cry if I’m being totally honest.”

You laughed shyly, hoping to diffuse the tension that had developed between the two of you. You began to move so as to distract yourself from his silence and assumed that you had sufficiently freaked him out, so you turned to take the food tray from the cart. After placing his food in front of him, you walked over to the door and it wasn’t until you were in the middle of stepping out of his room that you heard his soft, melodic voice say, “See you later!” causing you to let out a smile and a soft laugh as soon as you were sure you were out of his sight.

In the afternoon, you usually had to redress the wounds of some of the soldiers per the doctors’ orders. There was also the second round of food that you had to deliver to all of the patients that had been assigned to you – including Jungkook. You seemed to breeze your way through the rest of the patients on your list, feeling lighter than you had in months. As you made your way towards Jungkook’s room, the last on your list, you couldn’t help but feel something. You were not quite sure what the feeling was, but the closer you got to his room, the stronger the feeling grew inside of you.

It was late afternoon when it was finally time to help Jungkook once more. You did a quick tap on the door to let him know that you were coming in and turned to pull the lunch cart with you before opening the door with one hand. As soon as you opened the door, you heard an unfamiliar laugh, immediately recognizing Jungkook’s voice soon after.

You opened the door fully, revealing to you that Jungkook had a visitor with him, and feeling your stomach drop slightly at the sight. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, turning to face the boy laying down. Since spending so much time around soldiers and interacting with them, you had learned the differences between the uniforms of the men and you could tell that Jungkook’s visitor was not just a normal private, but a higher ranked officer instead.

It was when the visitor turned around to face you that you instantly recognized him as the one who had brought Jungkook in to the hospital that first day. Now that you had time to breathe, you took a good look at his face realizing that he, too, was extremely handsome. His light brown hair, cut short fit his face well and his broad shoulders were emphasized by his military uniform, which now that you had a closer look, recognized as that of a corporal.

His face immediately lit up in recognition of you as well and he gave you a smile, giving you a greeting. “Hi! I remember you!” You nodded slightly, giving a light smile before leaving the lunch cart by the door and walking over to the cabinet that held all the bandages and syringes for the morphine. When you turned around again, it was Jungkook that spoke, a look of bewilderment clearly written on his face, “Have you two met before?” You shook your head at the same time that the other man answered, “Not formally, no. When I brought you in, she was the one who took you.” After you finished gathering all the bandages and cotton balls that you needed, you walked over to the other side of Jungkook’s bed, causing the other man to ask, “Do you need me to move?” “If you can, I just need to redress the wounds. I don’t know if you want to stay and watch that. It might not be pretty,” You finally answered him mirroring your words from your other meeting and remembering his eager run back outside when he heard the doctor say that he was going to remove the bullets. Your answer caused him to laugh. “Compared to what I’ve seen on the battlefield, this is nothing. That other time, I was just feeling really frantic about everything. Also, I’ve grown up with this kid. I’ve seen more of him than I would have liked over the years.” His answer caused your eyes to grow wide, as you were surprised of the sudden change from just a few days ago, while Jungkook protested his friend’s response, firing a jab of his own at him. “More like, I’ve had to put up with your obsession with yourself these last few years,” Jungkook said. “By the way, thanks for saving this kid. I don’t even want to know what his mom would have done to me if I hadn’t brought her son back alive,” the visitor said after the two finished their banter. “My name’s Seokjin but you can call me Jin if you’d like, all the pretty girls I meet call me that.” You had been cleaning the burns on Jungkook’s leg, eliciting a slight hiss from Jungkook as the antiseptic touched his wounds. You looked up and with a smile and a small laugh at his not-so-subtle flirting, answered him, “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.” Jin smiled back at you, turning to Jungkook and saying, “She’s the nurse you were telling me about right?”

You paused and turned to look at Jungkook, whose large eyes were wide and his face was slowly turning a deep shade of red.

“What? No…” Jungkook said feebly, refusing to turn to you. Jin laughed from his seat, “Then who else was the really cute nurse you said was tending to you. I think Y/N’s pretty cute.” He then turned to you, addressing you directly. “Hey, Y/N, does anyone else help him out?” “Not that I know of,” You said in a quiet voice, feeling more self-conscious than you had already been feeling despite the compliment from Jin. Maybe it was the fact that you knew deep down that Jungkook had been talking about you, but you felt your face heating up. Jungkook cleared his throat, his cheeks a tomato red now as his friend kept embarrassing him, and then spoke, “Jin, don’t you have to go order people around or something?”

Feeling the need to leave the room as soon as possible, you began to speed up your treatment of Jungkook’s wounds, caring less about whether he would feel any pain or not while you disinfected. The last wound you had left was the one on Jungkook’s collarbone, the one closest to his face and the one likely to cause you to make eye contact with the boy. You had purposely put off tending to this particular one for that very purpose.

Jin was telling Jungkook a story about his interactions with the generals as you moved to better reach the wound. After unwrapping it and removing the old bandages, you lightly dipped a cotton ball in the peroxide before turning back to Jungkook. Unconsciously, your eyes moved to catch a glance of Jungkook’s eyes that were staring at you with the same amount of curiosity as they had they day you began tending to him. From where your face was, you had a clear view of his jawline, admiring the sharp angle that moved slightly with each breath he took.  It was almost intimidating, knowing that Jungkook was staring at you and the second your eyes met his, you quickly looked back down at his wound. After doing a quick round of disinfection, you wrapped up his wound in a new bandage and got up to dispose of the cotton balls and old bandages. When you walked over to the food cart to prepare to exit the room, Jin spoke to you once more.

“You’re leaving already? Wow, you work fast,” He said in a joking manner. You replied with a nod, prompting him to speak again. “Do you have many more patients to take care of after him?” “Nope,” You answered. “He’s the last one on my rounds.” “Then why don’t you stay for a little while longer?” Jin asked you, motioning towards your now empty seat beside Jungkook’s bed. Your heart began to speed up, and you turned to look at Jungkook whose face seemed like almost a mystery for once. While still looking at his face, you replied to Jin. “I would, but I have a lot of charts I need to complete by tonight.”

You finally left Jungkook’s room after a groan from Jin and one last feeble attempt to get to you stay for a longer period in the room. The charts that you claimed needed to be completed had actually been finished during the break between your first and second rounds. You just weren’t sure if you would be able to handle being in that room any longer. Jungkook’s mere presence had an such a profound effect on you that you could barely speak. Perhaps it was your first real encounter, when Jungkook saw you crying that made you so embarrassed to be around him. You knew it was unprofessional to say the least and as you walked back to the nurses’ station you were repeating to yourself that Jungkook was just a patient. He was just someone that you needed to treat and that he would be back out on the battlefield as soon as he recovered completely. He seemed the type who would be reckless as well, judging by his wounds. When he recovered, it was almost as if there was a guarantee that he may end up back in the hospital once again. Yet as you finished your shift, he was still in your mind.

The rest of the day seemed like a blur, and before you knew it, it was time for your first set of rounds the next day. You went about tending the soldiers assigned to you as if you were almost in a daze, your mind refusing the banish the thought of Jungkook from your head. One of your patients even asked if you were feeling okay because you seemed distracted. You could never admit to them that it was because your mind was focused on the room at the end of the hall.

With every room and every patient that you finished treating, you found yourself getting almost giddy at the thought of seeing Jungkook once more. It was a strange feeling, you contemplated, and you had to remind yourself again that he was just a patient and you were in charge of treating him. Somehow, thoughts of Jungkook was making it hard to remember that he was a patient.

It would be another hour before you were standing in front of his room again. With a light knock, you turned the handle to his room with your other hand and pushed the door open. You pulled in the food cart and set it beside the door and then turned to look at Jungkook, who was already sitting up and giving you a smile. He was alone today and you couldn’t help but wonder what he had been doing before you walked in. The window above his bed let in sunlight that shined down on him just right, making him look beautiful. You smiled at him in response, and gathered your supplies from the cabinet before taking your seat beside his bed.

As soon as you began treating him, Jungkook spoke almost immediately. “How are you?” You dabbed a cotton ball on his leg, causing him to wince before responding. “I’m okay.” You smiled at him softly, returning to focusing on your work in silence when his voice suddenly came through again. “Have lunch with me.” He said. You stopped working on disinfecting his leg, putting the cotton ball down and turning to look at him. “What?” He smiled, his teeth making him look like a bunny. “Have lunch with me,” he repeated. “Why?” You asked, looking at right him, searching for any sort of sign that would tell you that he was joking. “Because, I want to spend more time with you and you’re only ever in here for 30 minutes max when you come to put new bandages on all the gunshots and burns,” Jungkook said, his smile never leaving his face. His answer caught you off guard and your eyebrows furrowed as you spoke again. “But why do you want to spend more time with me?” He answered bluntly. “I want to get to know you better and I think that you’re really pretty.”

Jungkook’s sudden forthrightness caught you off guard. Yesterday, he was blushing when Jin asked if you were the nurse he kept talking about, yet today he was suddenly really flirty. At least, you believed it was flirting and deep down inside, you hoped that it was.

After a few seconds of silence on your part, you finally replied, talking slowly. “I don’t think that’s a really good idea.” Jungkook’s face fell for a few seconds, before he suddenly pulled it back into his smile and said, “Why isn’t it a good idea? There’s no rule that says you can’t eat lunch with the soldiers is there?” “No, there’s not,” You said, pausing slightly to pick up a new cotton ball and resume tending to all the injuries on his body. “But you’re my patient.” “Well, just think about it as giving me some much needed counseling! I’ve been cooped up in this room for the past few days and I’m starting to get a little stir crazy not doing anything.” His response caused you to give a slight laugh, and he spoke again. “That was really cute. You should really smile more often, it suits your face better.” You felt your face getting red and refused to look up at him as you worked on disinfecting all of the injuries. “Thanks.” “So how ‘bout it? Spend your lunchtime in here with me. I promise I can make you smile more if you just let me.” You gave a slight laugh and took hold of his left hand where a burn mark was creeping onto the back of his palm and began to dab the cotton ball, “Fine. But just this once okay?” He gave you what you were starting to realize was his signature smile and said, “Okay” before tilting his head slightly.

After you finished redressing all of Jungkook’s wounds, you left his room wondering about what your lunch break would bring you. You honestly did not know what to expect if you were being honest with yourself, but you were slightly excited. Lunch couldn’t come soon enough.

It was after you had finished filling out your morning charts and an unbearably long staff meeting that it was finally time for you to begin your second round of visits to each one of your patients. You purposely waited to take your lunch break until you were done with this second round, saving Jungkook for last once again. It would be about two hours before you finally reached his room.

Jungkook seemed almost giddy as you redressed all of his injuries, which you found odd considering that the wounds were still relatively fresh and probably still stung quite a bit every time they were disinfected. He talked animatedly about how excited he was for lunch, so much that you found it quite adorable. It was only when you began to prepare to leave the room, his face suddenly became crestfallen.

“I thought we were having lunch together?” He asked, his giddiness suddenly gone. His reaction caused you to smile a genuine smile, one that you hadn’t done in a long time and you felt your heart swell with happiness. “We are. I have to go get my lunch now from the cafeteria. I’ll be back soon.”

You speed walked back to the nurses’ station, informing your supervising nurse that you would now be taking your late lunch. Walking to the cafeteria, you could see the soldier assigned to mail duty passing you by once again. He smiled at you, letting you know that there were two letters waiting for you in your box and you thanked him. After picking up your lunch, you dropped by the office to see who had sent you the letter. When you saw Namjoon and Jimin’s name on the envelopes, your mood immediately perked up even more at seeing that they had finally written to you. You made a mental note to yourself to pick them up once you were done with your shift and walked back to Jungkook’s room with your lunch tray. His food lay untouched as he waited for you to return. It was only when you began to eat beside him that he finally ate as well.

“You seem happier than you did before you went to get lunch,” Jungkook remarked. This caused you to give a slight pause. Just how easy were you to read? “Oh yes, actually, I am,” You said. “That must have been one exciting walk to the cafeteria,” he joked. You laughed slightly, embarrassed at how easily he was able to pick up on your mood change. “I received mail from some very important people to me today. I haven’t heard from them in a while so I’m actually kind of glad that I finally received letters from them. It’s probably because my birthday just passed but still, it’s the thought that counts.” “Your birthday just passed? When was it?” Jungkook asked, his eyes going wide. You nodded before answering him. “It was just a few days ago, about a week. Actually, it was the day that you were brought in.” His eyes went even wider as your response registered in his brain. After a second or two, he said, “Well, happy belated birthday – though I do feel honored that you chose to spend it with an unconscious me.” You laughed at his joke, before Jungkook spoke once again. “Also, important people? Is one of them your boyfriend?” You vehemently shook your head, “No they’re not. They’re my friends. I’ve known them since high school. They’re all currently enlisted but in different areas.” Jungkook’s face immediately lit up, showing that bunny smile that you were beginning to grow so fond of. “So you’re single then?” Laughing once again, you responded, “Yes. Yes I am.”

The lunch ended on a high note, so much that you were reluctant to leave his room when your lunch break was over. Even after reading Namjoon and Jimin’s letters wishing you a happy birthday in your room before you went to sleep, the lunch was still the highlight of your day. Without even trying that hard, Jungkook had convinced you to spend your lunch break tomorrow with him as well before you left his room that day and what had started out as something that you claimed would only be once, turned into a near-daily occurrence for the two of you. Jungkook was suddenly extremely flirty the next day during lunch, spouting cheesy pick-up lines any chance he got and causing you to laugh loudly. Every single lunch afterwards, he would pull out another move on you, making you smile in the process. You never took it seriously, believing that Jungkook’s flirtiness was just part of his personality – a stark contrast to the first few days that you knew him. Every once in a while, Jin would join the two of you for lunch as well, first updating the two of you on what was occurring on the fronts and then goofing off as well.

It was refreshing for you, giving you a breath of fresh air from what the atmosphere at the hospital was always like. The war seemed to almost drain the life and vitality from the people serving, both in combat and behind the lines, but in the small, northwest corner room of the makeshift hospital, it was as if life was suddenly brighter and a war had not been raging outside.

After a month, Jungkook’s burn injuries and gunshot wounds were almost healed to the level where he could be put to battle once again. He remained at the hospital, but was now free to walk around the wing and the courtyard to regain his strength. You knew that your lunches with him would be coming to end soon, a thought that you banished from your mind whenever it began to creep up. Another thing that you would banish from your mind were your own creeping feelings that had begun to blossom. Something that you had to constantly remind yourself to ignore, but became more and more difficult to do with each passing day.

You also learned a lot more about Jungkook. He was extremely competitive, telling you stories about his and Jin’s constant debates with each other and from their childhoods. He also told you about the scar on his cheek and how he received it when he and Jin were fighting over trying to reach the computer when they were both little.  Whenever Jin would join the two of you, you would witness their banter first hand, seeing how the younger would rebel against the older of the two. He told you about the many sports he had joined, being the best player in almost all of them as well.  You also learned about the passion that Jungkook had, throwing himself deeply and completely into whatever it is that he wanted to do. He told you that while in school he had begun to learn to dance and was recognized by his classmates as the best dancer. He also loved to sing, something that you had yet to experience listening to for yourself. You could see that underneath this confident façade he often had on, he was quite bashful about some things as well, like his singing, and you began to learn to tell when he would try to cover something up. He made it seem like his only weak spot was actual school, or more specifically, math. He explained to you that learning about history and math never really grabbed his attention and he was glad to be rid of them once he graduated, only to be drafted into the military shortly after.

When Jungkook was finally allowed to leave his bed, your lunches together began occurring outside at some picnic tables in the courtyard that were usually empty after your second set of rounds. It was on one of these days, that you two were sitting outside, laughing about a story you told about a time when Namjoon had broken Yoongi’s television in one swift move, staying true to the “god of destruction” nickname your friends had awarded him.

When you two had stopped laughing, there was a peaceful silence that had fallen over the two of you. Jungkook had been sitting next to you on the bench, his back leaning against the table and his legs stretched outward as he stared up at the sky. You had been facing the table, where your food tray sat, half-eaten. Your body had been turned to face Jungkook, your food forgotten as you stared at his profile, admiring his beauty one again. It was almost ethereal, being able to see someone with the looks that Jungkook possessed sitting less than a foot away. You wondered how any one person could ever brush past him without stopping and admiring his beautiful face. You almost couldn’t believe yourself how lucky you were to be sitting beside him. After what seemed like a long pause of comfortable silence, Jungkook turned to you, his large, brown eyes locking with yours.

“What are you doing? Admiring my beauty?” Jungkook asked, smiling as he looked at you. You didn’t laugh this time, entranced by the way his eyes looked at you. Before you even realized, you responded honestly, “Actually yes I am.”

Jungkook seemed to almost freeze at your response, his smile disappearing from his face causing you to snap out of whatever trance you were under. You began to stutter, looking down and attempting to come up with any excuse for your answer when Jungkook spoke again.

“Go out with me.” He suddenly said, before you could formulate an explanation, his face remaining completely serious. You almost thought it was a joke at first, until you looked back into his eyes and saw an intensity lurking within them. When Jungkook realized that you weren’t going to respond, he spoke again. “I’m serious. Go out with me.”

There was another silence on your part. You weren’t sure what it was, but at that moment Taehyung’s face suddenly came to your mind. You remembered his childlike smile and his laugh and how those were the things that seemed to almost give meaning to your otherwise plain life before this war started. You felt as if you said yes to Jungkook’s request, it would suddenly negate everything that you had ever felt for Taehyung. It was as if by accepting Jungkook, you were betraying your love for your childhood friend.

You didn’t notice when you had begun to cry, but suddenly Jungkook’s arms were around you, holding you as tears streamed down your face. Your chest hurt as you remembered Taehyung and your favorite memories together. Images of his box smile became intertwined with Jungkook’s voice and it all suddenly became too overwhelming to bear, especially as you realized that Jungkook’s arms were holding you in a tight embrace.

You quickly pushed Jungkook’s arms away, pushing him to the edge of the bench as your tears continued to fall and Jungkook stared at you with surprise. You stood up and stared at the ground below your feet, refusing to look at the confused boy sitting in front of you.

“I…I…I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” You said, and turned to run inside.

As you ran to the workstation, your supervisor took notice of your state and immediately grew concerned. You saw Rachel and the other nurses at the station look at you with worry as you attempted to wipe the freefalling tears from your face. You somehow managed to ask yourself to be excused from the rest of your shift with Rachel volunteering to take over the rest of your duties for the day just before turning back around once only to see Jungkook walking down the hallway, his face laced with concern as he watched the occurrence, and you turned in the other direction and ran to your room.

You felt ridiculous, your face red and swollen as all your pent up feelings from Taehyung’s disappearance over a year and a half ago came to the surface once again. Jungkook had simply asked you on a date, yet it felt like that request meant that Taehyung’s entire memory would be gone. You knew that it was impossible for something like that to actually happen, yet it still felt that way. Your burgeoning feelings for Jungkook felt to you as if they were invaders, sent to eliminate any and all love that you ever felt for Taehyung. It was as if you owed it to him, that boy with the tanned skin and a grin that lit up an entire room, to remember all of those feelings that you held, and still continued to hold for him. The feelings you held for Taehyung and the feelings that you held for Jungkook had to be mutually exclusive. You couldn’t see for yourself how one could function with the other present.

When it was time for dinner, you didn’t leave your room, resulting in a late-evening visit from Rachel as she brought you a tray of food from the cafeteria. She didn’t ask you any questions, though you could tell she was worried about you and wondered what had caused you to feel so much agony. She had known about your daily lunches with Jungkook, in fact, she was always delighted to hear about how each meal went. You were sure that the thought that Jungkook had been the cause of your tears had crossed through her mind at least once since you came back from your break that afternoon.

“If that boy is the reason you’re a mess I will go to his room and wring his neck,” Rachel told you, making you smile slightly at the image that had popped into your mind.

Had it really been Jungkook to have caused you so much pain? You knew it was unfair to cast all the blame onto him. If anything, he had become one of the brightest parts of your days. When there were no new letters from any of the boys, he was the brightest part of your day. You asked Rachel to inform your supervisor that you didn’t feel well enough to come into your shift the next day and she obliged without a single question asked.

The next day, after you were sure that everyone had left the cafeteria in the morning, you carefully stepped out of your room. Your eyes were red and swollen from crying the whole night, your hair a mess from the lack of sleep that you experienced as a result of all the feelings you held. You picked up a tray of food and quickly walked back to your room, successfully evading everyone. Once you were inside of your room once again, you placed the tray that held a depressing meal on your desk and sat down at the chair.

Taking a bite from the apple, you pulled out a couple blank papers from your drawer and began to write a letter to the one person who you felt you could count on to tell you what you needed to hear and who you could freely express all of your thoughts to.

Dear Jimin,

I hope you’ve been doing okay. I hear the battles have been picking up pace lately and I’ve been kind of worried about you and the rest of the boys. Please promise me you’ll be safe. I know you probably haven’t received my last letter to you since I only wrote it a few days ago but I just don’t know who else I can talk to, or in this case write to.

I’ve told you about him in another letter, but just in passing. His name is Jungkook and he was one of the soldiers that I’ve been caring for here at the hospital. He was brought in on my birthday and I’ve basically seen him every single day since. We started having lunch together and…oh Jimin, it was so nice to finally laugh again. I haven’t laughed or smiled like that since before all of you enlisted. Since before Tae…disappeared.

He’s made me smile so much since then, and he’s listened to all of my stories about all of you. I haven’t told him about Tae. I don’t know how I ever could. How do you summarize everything about him into a conversation? But Jungkook, he asked me to go out with him, and it just felt so strange for me. It felt like if I let myself develop feelings for someone other than Taehyung, his memory would just fade as well as all the feelings I have. The feelings for Taehyung were one of the only things that has kept me going for so long, how do you suddenly just throw them away for something new?

I hope you’ve been well. Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me and for reading this rant. I miss you.

Y/N

The next morning, you finally recovered enough of your emotional stability to manage to bring yourself to work but before you showed up for your shift, you ran down to the tent where the mail room had been designated. One of the soldiers, with whom you had developed a nice acquaintance with due to all your visits to the mail center, greeted you and took your letter addressed to Jimin. After having a brief conversation about the war, you returned back to the hospital and sat down next to Rachel for the early morning debriefing.

She gave you a small smile and put a hand down on your knee, giving it a slight rub as if to welcome you back after the emotional outburst. She never did end up asking any questions, though you could see the wonder and worry etched on her face.

Once the morning meeting was adjourned, you walked with Rachel to the nurses’ station to grab the charts for each one of your patients. Your face immediately scrunched up in confusion as you noticed that the pile of charts was significantly smaller than it was two days ago.

Rachel noticed your confusion and began to explain, “Yesterday a general came down out of the blue with one of the doctors and they went around examining everyone to determine who would be discharged. They gave us no warning and we ended up being so busy processing all of the discharges!” “Why would they do that? Half of my patients are gone,” You answered, judging just from the smaller stack in front of you. “It’s not just yours. Half of everyone’s are gone! The general was demanding for any soldiers who could walk to be discharged from the hospital even if they weren’t fully healed yet. You should have seen the faces of some of them when they heard they were going back to the barracks. Poor things,” she answered, her voice laced with sympathy.

Her explanation set off an alarm in your head. Jungkook had been able to walk since a couple weeks prior and you immediately thought of whether he had been discharged as well. With a few more pleasantries, the two of you each headed to your respective wings and began your rounds.  You refused to look through the charts to figure out if Jungkook was still at the hospital or not, but as you worked your way through each chart, your heart slowly began to drop.

You were at the room two doors away from Jungkook’s room when you reached the last chart, seeing the name for the soldier in the room beside his. There was a pain that shot through your heart as you thought of how your last encounter with him ended. You mindlessly treated the last soldier that managed to escape the checkups and stopped at Jungkook’s door as if something was willing you to go in. Taking in a deep breath, you walked inside only to see that it had already been cleaned by someone, with any semblance of Jungkook gone.

You didn’t cry, but you felt the tears beginning to form as you pictured the smile he always greeted you with whenever you entered. Part of you wondered if you would ever see Jungkook again, and you hoped that you would eventually. Filled with regret, you left the room and walked back to the station, reminding yourself that if it was meant to be, it would have happened. It might have been your fault, and although you had been full of regret over how you handled the situation, another side of you was relieved as you remembered your previous emotional outburst.

About a month had passed by since you had last seen Jungkook when you received a letter from Jimin. You thought back to the day when you had written the last letter to Jimin and wondered what kind of response he could have written to that. The war had picked up pace in some places, while in others – such as the location where the hospital had been set up – it had slowed down. In fact, most of the soldiers, the lucky ones at least, when on-duty had been spending their time practicing drills and even had the luxury of getting a day off every two weeks and being allowed to go into the nearby city for some entertainment. You were grateful for the change of pace, seeing how the newfound leisure time of the soldiers had begun to boost up their morale in the seemingly endless war. Even the hospital had seen a reduction in patients and severe injuries.

At the end of your shift one day, you went to dinner with Rachel and some of the other nurses, as they talked about how some of the soldiers had asked them out now that they had some free time. You stayed relatively quiet throughout the conversation, remembering your unintended, yet disastrous, refusal of Jungkook. They still had no idea what was the real cause of your sudden emotional outburst. You had told no one except for Rachel who seemed relieved when you finally told her the real reason.

Once you were back at your room, you finally sat down on your bed and carefully sliced open the envelope containing Jimin’s letter with a letter opener. You pulled out the letter only to see that it contained multiple pages all written in his handwriting. Unfolding it, you began to read.

Dear Y/N,

The war has started to pick up pace over here. We’re being sent out on more scouting missions and more missions to bomb the enemy now. Don’t worry about me. I’m one of the best fighter pilots in my squadron so you really have nothing to worry about. I’ll make sure I come back alive.

As to the whole Jungkook situation, although I am concerned that I’ve never met this guy, Y/N, you deserve to be happy. I know starting a relationship right here, right now probably isn’t the greatest idea you’ve ever had, but you spent your entire life loving Taehyung which I still find amazing. Don’t think that by letting yourself have feelings for this guy that your feelings for Tae will just suddenly disappear. Feelings don’t work that way. If they did, you would not have loved Tae for as long as you did and you definitely would not have volunteered to come to the war.

I’m happy that someone has made you smile and laugh. I’m happy that someone has made you happy. The only thing that concerns me about Jungkook is that, again, I haven’t met him. I need to screen all potential suitors for you and make sure that they are ready to take on the challenge of dating a girl with four very protective brothers.

Don’t think of it as betraying Taehyung or forgetting about Taehyung. I know you’ve had the hardest time dealing since he passed, but you and I both know that he would not want you to become a spinster and make your life into a shrine to him. By letting yourself fall for Jungkook, you are not throwing away your feelings for Taehyung, it’s more like, you’re opening yourself to new experiences. I do think that you should tell this guy about Taehyung though, if you haven’t yet. Maybe not right at the beginning, but you will need to explain to him why you’re so hesitant. It’s not fair to keep him in the dark about something that basically was your life for so long.

I hope nothing’s changed between the two of you and if it has, hopefully for the better. Honestly, just grow a pair. The damn mail takes such a long time to arrive. Hopefully you don’t read this when it’s too late.

Take care of yourself,

JM

You stared up at the ceiling, wishing that you had this sooner. Everything that Jimin wrote made complete sense to you and you knew it was the truth all along, you were just too afraid to admit to it. You laughed in disbelief, wondering how it is that you came to be in this situation.

The rest of the week passed by in a blur and before you even noticed, it was the day before your own day off. After reading Jimin’s letter, you had been in a daze, just going through the motions of everyday life. Your mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of Jungkook and Taehyung to fully register the occurrences around you.

You were seated at the nurses’ station by yourself while everyone else went to get their lunch. At least one of you was always required to be seated at the station during lunch in case a nurse was needed. On this day, it happened to be your turn.

It was a quiet day at the hospital. You had been flipping through a magazine that Rachel had lent you, reading about the latest trends in the fashion world being referred to as “military chic.” You felt it ridiculous, looking at all the stylish suits for women in dark green and navy colors, drawing heavy inspiration from the uniforms of all the decorated officers. How could any of them really know what was going on at the battlefronts from the comfort of their homes? Turning the war into another fashion trend only made you irritated as you thought of all the sacrifices that the soldiers had made.

You felt the presence of someone standing in front of the nurses’ station, but kept flipping through the magazine, assuming that they were taking a second to gather their bearings and figure out in which direction to turn as most of the hospital visitors did. However, this person did not leave. Instead, they cleared their throat and you were compelled to look up to see what they wanted.

What you saw were two large brown eyes look back at you, along with a familiar smile that you had not seen in a long time, causing you to freeze, your mouth open in shock as your mind processed the sight in front of you.

Jungkook gave a small laugh, sending shivers down your spine and began to speak, “Did you miss me?”

You could hardly believe that Jungkook was in front of you. His hair had been growing out at the hospital but now that he was standing in front of you, it was noticeable that it had been cut short once again. He also looked noticeably different in his uniform and his frame looked larger, almost as it had when he was brought in. Yet, the one thing that remained the same was the bunny-like smile that he always had on his face.

Sensing that you were too surprised to respond, Jungkook spoke once again, “Did you?” He asked, clearly expecting an answer as he gave you a pointed look. Once you finally managed to pick your jaw up from the floor, you replied. “It’s been a while since I saw you.” You said, attempting to keep your cool as your heart began to beat furiously in your chest. You could see a flash of disappointment run across his face at your answer, but his smile almost immediately covered it. “The people who were discharged were forced to do an insane amount of drills. We thought they were sending us to the battle zones! Jin managed to pull some strings and use the small leverage he had to convince the generals to finally give us a day off like the rest of the soldiers here.” You eyes opened wide. “Really?” you asked. “The Generals must have been in a good mood the day Jin decided to approach them,” Jungkook spoke, his eyes never leaving your face. “They decided to give us two days off. Probably felt bad for all the drills they made us do.” You smiled, wondering why Jungkook was acting like if the last time you saw each other you had run off crying. “Sounds like you owe Jin a lot.” He nodded, and giving a slight chuckle he said, “Yes I do. He’s going to hold this over my head for the rest of my life.” You laughed, “Besides the hell training, how have you been?” “I’m alright. I had a lot on my mind.” Jungkook said, looking at you. Your face fell and you could feel the blood begin to rush to your cheeks. “But right now I’m honestly just glad to see you.”

You could feel yourself freeze, afraid to look back up to see the expression that would be on Jungkook’s face. It only took a few seconds for him to realize that you weren’t going to say anything, so he spoke again.

“I know that there’s something you’re not telling me. I’ve known it since the first day that I was conscious enough to register you in my mind,” Jungkook spoke slowly. You looked up at him, seeing an earnest expression, but still seeing the caution as he thought about the words he was saying. “But I really think that you should give us a try. You have to admit that we are actually really good together. Our daily lunches before I was discharged from the hospital are proof of that.”

You continued to look at him, the surprise in your face evident.

“You’re not very good at hiding your emotions, Y/N. Even when you were laughing, I always sensed that there was a sadness about you,” Jungkook explained. “And I mean, we’re in war. You mentioned you had friends enlisted. It’s more rare to find someone without some emotional baggage.” You couldn’t take your eyes off of his face, it was as if you were trapped in his gaze, when you finally spoke. “You don’t seem to have any.” “I do too, but it’s not written on my sleeve as it is with you.” He answered. “I like you Y/N and I know you like me too. You wouldn’t have spent all that time with me if you didn’t. I don’t know what it is that’s making you say no but I know that you’ll tell me in your own time. All I’m asking is for you to just please just give us – this – a chance,” Jungkook said, rambling as he looked at you, a fierce determination in his eyes. “I know you won’t regret it.“

You couldn’t stop looking at him, barely registering what he was saying as he spoke to you. You could hardly believe that this was the same boy that would spout those cheesy pickup lines on a daily basis just to get you to smile. You knew that his rant was him placing his pride aside in order to stage an attempt to get to you. You admired the way that Jungkook went after what he wanted, in every single way. He was mid-rant when you answered in a soft voice.

“Okay.”

At first you thought that he didn’t hear you, as he continued to speak with the same fiery passion that his voice had taken on.  “-and I really think that you would be able to have- wait…what?” His face immediately changed from one of determination to one of confusion and a bit of wishful thinking.

You let out a small laugh, finding his expression adorable. “I said yes.” Jungkook’s face changed once again, this time a large smile dominating it. “Really?” “You were right. About everything. So yes,” you said, a shy smile on your own face. His face still had the large smile as he spoke again, “So then when are you free? Please say tomorrow because it’s my last free day and I don’t know when they’ll give us another.” You laughed again. “Tomorrow happens to be my free day too.” “Great! Be ready in the morning then! 11 o’clock, I’ll wait for you in front of the hospital!” You nodded, “Okay.”

He smiled at you in response and left and your eyes instinctively followed him as he turned the corner, only finding yourself making eye contact with the rest of the nurses who had been watching since who-knows-when with giddy excitement.

They immediately rushed over to you the second that they were sure that Jungkook was out of hearing range, immediately demanding details as to how the relationship between the two of you developed.

“This was why you always ate lunch later than everyone else wasn’t it?” One of them asked. “This whole time I could have sworn that it would be Johnny to ask you out.” Another remarked. “He’s got such a big crush on you.”

You laughed as you tried to deflect every question that they threw at you, but it wasn’t until the supervising doctor came by that everyone finally let up and got back to work. It was only Rachel that looked at you with a smirk that caused the red on your cheeks to deepen further.

The next morning, you woke up unreasonably early. Your heart was pounding loudly inside your chest as you realized that it would be the first time you had gone on a date, ever, with anyone and the fact that this date just happened to be with Jungkook of all people. You didn’t have much clothes with you and barely anything that could be passable for being worthy to use on a date which resulted in you asking Rachel to help you put together an outfit, borrowing a halter, floral-print sundress that she had brought with her and some blue sandals that complemented the detailing of the flowers.

You stared at the dress hung on your door and slowly got up to begin to fix your hair, undecided as to the style that you wanted. It was either that or do your makeup, which you were even less decided about. Your bag of cosmetics that you had brought from home had barely been touched and had begun to gather dust in your drawer and you wondered whether you could even pull off whatever look you decided to go for.

There was scarcely a sound outside, and the sun was shining through the window into your room. You decided that first you would go get yourself breakfast, before returning back to the stress of preparing for your first date ever.

You knew that Jungkook had already seen you with barely any makeup and you were surprised that he still decided that he liked you regardless, but now that it was an actual date, there was a sudden pressure of looking pretty for the date. Jungkook knew you well, too well it seemed, but something about spending time with him in this manner, with this label, caused your nerves to act up.

Once you were back in your room, you started to apply your makeup. Opting to go for a simpler look because of the sundress, you hoped that this look would be fine for whatever it was that Jungkook was planning. After dinner the day before, he had dropped by once again to visit you, only to let you know that he had a plan ready for the two of you and refused to reveal anything else. The anxiety of not knowing what to expect was killing you, and it made you wonder how many dates Jungkook had previously been on. You imagined he was like Taehyung, having a few serious girlfriends but being loved by the whole school. The fact that he was in every sport and managed to still find time to dance and sing made you believe that he must have been insanely popular.

Somehow you finished getting ready, though not really paying attention as you wondered about Jungkook’s life pre-war. You were still lost in your thoughts when you looked at the clock only to see that the clock had struck 11 ten minutes ago. You jumped up, knocking over a bottle of water that you had on your desk and ran around your room as you searched for your bag. Finding it hanging on the doorknob, you ruffled your hair once more and straightened out the dress before running out of your room.

Jungkook was leaning against the passenger side of a black car, one that was not an army vehicle, but instead a convertible, making you surprised. He was looking down at something and was dressed in a white button up shirt that fit him just right, some black jeans, and brown boots and he looked… absolutely incredible. You stopped at the top of the steps that were in front of the entrance to the hospital, laughing in disbelief as you wondered how he managed to get his hands on the car and also to pause and really admire how beautiful Jungkook truly was. He looked up at that moment, and a wide smile came across his face, silently willing you to come down the steps.

When you finally stood in front of him, he pulled the passenger door open for you only saying with a small laugh and a sigh, “I thought you were going to stand me up.” You got inside the car, watching as he half-ran around the front to get to the driver’s side. It was when he had turned the car on and begun to drive that you answered, “Sorry. I got kind of distracted and didn’t notice the time.” You explained, then slightly raised your voice. “But more importantly, how did you get this car?” It was Jungkook’s turn to laugh as if he had been expecting you to ask that question. “Jin befriended someone in town, managed to convince them to let me borrow the car. The guy just has a way with words, or maybe the friend just really likes corny jokes.” “Sounds like Jin alright,” You smiled. “So then, what’s the plan?” He turned to you, smiling mischievously as he answered, “You really think I’m going to tell you? Just wait and see.”

There was a brief lull in the conversation before Jungkook spoke again. “You look really pretty by the way.” You could see his cheeks begin to take on the slightest tint of red, though you could feel your own cheeks begin to burn up. “Thanks. So do you.”

There was another lull, but one that wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Spending time with Jungkook just felt so…right to you, and you hoped that he felt the same. The two of you matched so well together and the friendship that you two had built earlier truly made it all come together. There was also something different about the way that Jungkook was handling himself. His usual confidence seemed less prominent, and he seemed more unsure of himself. Though you had to admit that you would never have been able to tell this if not for the long lunches that the two of you used to have. Though it had been a while since one of those lunches occurred, you knew Jungkook’s usual demeanor better than you knew your own.

You could see the nearby city in the distance slowly getting closer. It had not been damaged by the war and every building still stood, majestic and tall with all of its rustic architecture. Your eyes immediately widened as the car went in, the streets changing from mostly dirt to pavement, and the density of people steadily increasing.

“Have you been here before?” Jungkook asked, noticing your reaction to suddenly being in the city after spending so long in the countryside.

You shook your head, unable to take your eyes off of the scenery outside. You had no idea where Jungkook was taking you to but you didn’t mind if it was just a drive, so that you could finally see a scene that you used to take for granted while you were at home.

It was about twenty minutes and a handful of turns made by Jungkook when he finally parked the car along the sidewalk. He turned off the car and quickly ran around, making sure that he opened the door for you before you even had a chance to unbuckle your seatbelt. He extended his hand out to help you get out, and you looked up at him only to see a bit of shyness hidden in his eyes.

Once you were out of the car, he closed the door behind you and stood beside you. He walked slowly, letting you admire the scenery of the tall buildings and the mix of colors present. It seemed as if this small city had never been touched by the war, as if it was a small oasis in the middle of the destruction.

Jungkook made no attempt to hold your hand, making you feel a bit insecure, slightly doubting what his intentions were but not vocalizing your concerns. You wondered what was going through Jungkook’s mind as he walked silently beside you, his hands in his pockets.

“This way,” Jungkook said when the two of you reached a corner. He gave a left and you followed suit, staring at his broad back. “Will you tell me now where we’re going?” You asked. He turned to you, still giving you the smallest of smiles. “You’ll see in a minute.”

Jungkook was right. Just a minute later, you saw a movie theater appear, its marquee board announcing a movie that you had never heard of.

“Taking me to the movies I see,” You said playfully. Jungkook’s cheeks took on a tinge of red again, and you realized that he was actually pretty shy about this date. Nothing like the confident boy that you had gotten to know over time. “Are you shy?” You asked. Your question caused an immediate answer from Jungkook, as he loudly exclaimed, “No!” His cheeks only getting redder.

It suddenly made sense why he made no moves, and why he had been so quiet since the two of you got out of the car. You couldn’t help but smile as you saw him aggressively deny any shyness. It made you feel relieved as well, to know that you were not the only one who was nervous about the date. You didn’t know what it was. He was just Jungkook, the same person you were tending to just a few weeks ago.

You kept pace with him, reaching the ticket counter at the same time as you leaned against it and watched as he ordered your tickets. His polite smile as he spoke to the theater worker left you mesmerized as you watched him. After paying and taking the tickets from the clerk, he turned to you, a soft smile on his face, and said, “Ready?”

You nodded, standing upright as he turned to the theater doors. It was a small venue, with only one small screening room and done in a very classic style, with ornate walls and columns painted in gold and red colors. Jungkook handed the theater worker at the door your tickets and then turned to you, reaching for your hand as you saw a light shade of red begin to form on his cheeks. He led you to the concession stand, standing beside you but never letting go of your hand, even as he ordered the popcorn and drinks for the two of you. Your heart was beating fast as you looked down at your intertwined fingers. His hand was a bit rough due to all the trainings in the military and his long fingers completely encompassed your own hand, but the way they molded together just felt correct. Everything with Jungkook felt fitting.

You held the big bucket of popcorn while Jungkook carried a cup holder with both of your drinks, not letting go of your hand once as he led you to some seats towards the back. There were a few more couples spread about the theater, but a large distance between everyone. It was only to turn around that Jungkook finally let go of your hand.

“Have you heard of this movie?” Jungkook asked when the two of you had settled into your seats, clasping your hand once more and placing them on the armrest between the two of you. You turned to him, shaking your head. “I haven’t been keeping up with pop culture lately.” “I haven’t either,” Jungkook admitted. “Jin recommended it. I don’t know how he does it to have so much free time on his hands.”

The room suddenly darkened, the only thing illuminated was the screen at the front of the room. The two of you stared at each other in the darkness of the theater for a few more seconds afterwards, until you finally turned your head to the screen when the movie began. As the movie played, it was the last thing on your mind as you were unable to take the focus off of Jungkook beside you. Somewhere throughout the movie, he had begun to draw circles on the inside of your hand and you became hyperaware of everything that he was doing beside you, electricity running throughout your entire body. The popcorn that he had purchased stayed forgotten on your lap, and you began to watch Jungkook out of your periphery. He didn’t show any sort of reaction on his face, his eyes remained focused on the film in front, but his hands continued to draw circles on your palm. You would never have even noticed when the film was over if not for everyone around you beginning to stand up and talk loudly as they walked out of the theater.

You followed Jungkook out of the room, throwing the half-eaten forgotten popcorn into a trashcan by the exit. He led you out of the theater by hand, walking slowly down the street in front of the building.

“Now it’s time for part two,” Jungkook said, turning to you and smiling. “I’m assuming you’re not going to tell me again?” You asked, inching closer to him as the two of you walked. He laughed, “We’re just picking up something first. Part two is outside of the city.” Knowing there wasn’t much more that he would tell you, you decided to change the subject to a question that had been burning in your mind. “Hey, Jungkook?” He responded with a, “Mmm?” And you continued, “Why did you push so hard for this date?” Jungkook turned to you, his large doe eyes almost hypnotizing you and the cute, bunny smile appearing, “Because I like you Y/N.”

You were surprised at his nonchalant confession, wondering how he could shift from being too afraid to hold your hand to suddenly confessing how he felt about you. His mercurial personality was only piquing your interest more.

Jungkook stopped at a small deli tucked between a bookstore and a grocery store. He pulled you inside, finally releasing your hand to motion for you to take a seat at the counter facing the window. You leaned your back against it, watching Jungkook approach the cashier and pull out his wallet once more. The cashier went to a counter, grabbing two ready-made sandwiches and placing them in a bag. Jungkook paid and then turned back around, tilting his head slightly when he saw you. It was one of your favorite habits of his, whenever he would tilt his head, and watching him do that as he looked at you only made you smile.

You got off the stool, and waited for him by the exit. He pushed the door with the hand holding the sandwiches and took ahold of yours once more, his fingers lacing through yours. The two of you walked slowly, knowing that you were headed back to the car. He seemed a lot more relaxed now than he had been when he first picked you up. It was beginning to feel more like one of your lunches that you used to have, except now it was occurring outside of the hospital and the two of you were dressed a lot nicer…and Jungkook was holding your hand.

When you two reached the car, Jungkook began to drive once more in the opposite direction of the hospital as he took you further away. He turned onto a dirt path about five minutes from the outskirts of the city, driving calmly and singing softly to a song you recognized on the radio. You were grateful, to finally be able to hear the singing voice you had heard about as it sent chills down your spine.

“You have a really nice voice,” You pointed out, turning to Jungkook as he stared at the road. “Do I?” Jungkook asked. “Yeah. It’s really soothing, comforting too,” You said. “I’ve always liked music, singing and dancing. It’s a nice release from the world, though I haven’t done it much since coming over here if I’m being honest.” Jungkook sighed, glancing at you briefly as he drove into a wooded area. “I just sing songs that I like. I’m not that great at composing or producing yet, though I would have liked to learn.” “Two of my friends from home like composing and producing. You would probably have liked to meet them,” you answered, thinking of Yoongi and Namjoon. “Maybe when this whole thing is over I will be able to,” Jungkook said with a smirk.

He only drove for a few more minutes before stopping in a shady area. He opened the his door and got out of the car, running around the front to open the door for you. You took hold of the sandwiches he had left in between the two of you and took his hand as he helped you step out.

“Wait a minute,” He instructed after he closed the car door behind you. He walked over to the trunk and opened it, though you were unsure of what he could be looking for. Once he closed it, you saw that he now had two blankets draped over his arm. He walked up to you, taking your hand as he began to lead you off the dirt road and over a trunk.

“Where are you taking me? You’re not planning to murder me are you?” You asked as you looked around at all the greenery sitting in the middle of nowhere. He laughed, “No. Just trust me.”

The two of you walked for twenty minutes, with Jungkook being a complete gentleman and helping you over rocks and tree trunks bigger than you could step over. After what seemed like forever, the trees opened up, revealing a large, green meadow.

“Well? Doesn’t this seem better than a murder?” Jungkook joked, causing you to lightly hit him on the arm.

He led you to a spot in the middle, laying out one of the blankets on the floor and motioning for you to take a seat. You placed the sandwiches on the blanket and took a seat with Jungkook sitting in front of you. He quickly handed one of the sandwiches to you and then took his.

“How did you find this place?” You asked, your eyes scanning the clearing before taking a bite from your food. “It was while we were on a drill. We were just patrolling the forest during a practice run, and we got ambushed by other soldiers pretending to be the enemy. My squad split up and I ran here. I kept on running for a while and found this meadow,” Jungkook explained. “Fell asleep around here and woke up two hours later with the general yelling at me and making me to clean the toilets and showers for three weeks.” You laughed, “Really?” “Yeah! When I was thinking about what we should do today, I just kept thinking about how much I wanted you to see this place,” He said. “It’s nice right?” You nodded in agreement, his bunny smile filling you up with warmth.

The two of you finished your sandwiches fast and then laid down on the blanket beside each other. Jungkook propped himself up on an elbow to look down at you and reached over to take your hand and begin drawing circles on your palm once more. You were turned to him, his fingers’ light touch sending jolts of electricity throughout your body.

“Your hands are soft. I really like them,” Jungkook said, staring at his fingers as they continued to move around your palm. “I noticed,” You answered him in a quiet voice, remembering the way he did the same thing at the movie theater.

Your heart was beating fast and you were barely able to speak. You continued to look at Jungkook’s beautiful face, his large doe eyes flicking up to look at you when you unconsciously placed your hand on the side of his face. Jungkook’s eyes flickered to yours, his face had a serious expression as he looked at you. He stopped tracing your hand, taking hold of your wrist firmly.

It was then that he leaned over and you suddenly felt his lips on yours. It was almost magical, the way his soft lips felt and at first you were too shocked to move. When you finally got used to the sensation of his lips, yours began to move slowly along with his, his tongue begging for you to open your own mouth. You let Jungkook lead, mimicking every one of his moves back to him as fire spread throughout your entire being. It was like a jolt of electricity running throughout your whole body – like if the only two things that existed were the two of you, and the only thing that mattered was his lips on yours. Jungkook slowly deepened the kiss, one of his hands softly cupping the side of your face.

He suddenly pulled away, panting as he looked down at you. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

You stayed silent, still not able to believe that this was really happening. This time it was you to reach around his neck and pull him back down to you. You could hardly believe your bold action, knowing that you had only been kissed one more time before, the day that Taehyung enlisted.

Taehyung.

You quickly pulled away, sitting up as Jungkook looked at you with surprise. You heavy breaths began to slow down as you thought of your first kiss, your only kiss before today. Jungkook sat up a few seconds after you, looking at you with concern as he wrapped an arm around you.

“Did we go too fast?” Jungkook asked, leaning over to get a better look at your face, his arm comforting you as you tried to catch your breath. You shook your head, turning to him and feeling your stomach drop as you stared back at his face, now etched with worry. “Sorry, I’m sorry. It was fine, you were fine. It was…more than fine.” You answered with a sigh. “Then what’s wrong?” Jungkook asked softly. You moved, letting Jungkook’s arm fall. You knew it was unfair to Jungkook to keep him in the dark about Taehyung, even Jimin had told you so. If you wanted something, anything, to happen between the two of you, he needed to know.

You took in a deep breath, and turned to look at him. “Do you remember the first day I treated you? Not the day you were brought in, but after.” He nodded. “You were crying.” “I was looking at you...and at that moment, you reminded me so much of my…friend Taehyung,” You explained. Jungkook’s eyes flickered in recognition. You had mentioned him previously in passing, when telling him stories about when you were younger. “I remember that name.” “He died, almost two years ago in the war…At least that’s what we think. The official reason is missing in action,” You explained, watching slowly as Jungkook’s eyes went wide. “We grew up together, I was seven when I met him.” He nodded, fixing his posture. He was ready to listen to whatever it is you were going to say. “So he was really important to you.” Before you could even control yourself, the words began to tumble out. “He was more than important. I’ve loved him all my life, if I’m being totally honest with you.” You paused, Jungkook’s eyes going wider as he bit down on his lip. “When I treated you that first day, all I could think about was whether the two of you had any similarities. Whether there was a girl back home waiting for you to return or whether he had suffered the day it happened like I’m sure you were suffering when you were brought in.” Jungkook’s mouth went into an ‘O’ shape as all the puzzle pieces began to fall into place in his mind. You could almost see the gears working in his brain as you continued to talk. “When you first asked me out, I felt like I was betraying Taehyung and his memory. I had promised myself to love him for the rest of my life and I freaked out at the thought that I may have feelings for you,” You whispered. “That’s explains your reaction that day,” Jungkook said in what you hoped was an understanding tone. “I was scared of what I felt for you, what I feel for you. I was afraid that the second I let myself fall for you, Taehyung would disappear from my mind,” you said. Jungkook nodded, waiting for you to continue. “But the truth is…I probably fell for you a long time ago.”

You saw Jungkook freeze in front of you and you could see him contemplating what you just told him and you sat beside him in silence as he took in your sudden confession.

It felt like an eternity, waiting in the silence of the meadow for Jungkook to speak again. “How do you feel now?” You turned to look at him, concern still evident on his face. You nod, “I’m okay.” Jungkook reaches out to take both of your hands into his hold. “Y/N…I really like you, and if you need this – whatever this is – to go slow, we can do that. We’ll go at your pace.”

You stared at Jungkook in shock, completely surprised that he was being so understanding. He really was too good to be true.

“I’ve never loved someone my whole life, not how you loved your friend or for as long as you loved him,” Jungkook spoke. “But, I really like you. I won’t push you for anything, but please, this is all I’m asking for…don’t push me away.” You looked at him, letting the words sink into your mind. “Do you really mean that?” “Y/N, of course I do. You’re one of the most incredible girls I have ever met, and I met you in the military. I can count the amount of girls I know here on one hand.” “Does that mean you wouldn’t have paid attention to me if there were more girls here?” You asked jokingly, attempting to lighten the mood. “It means that makes me like you a lot more, knowing that you took a plunge – that I’m assuming was done on impulse – most girls won’t take,” he said. “And that makes you even more incredible to me.”

He lifted up one of your hands, bringing it to his lips and placed a feather-light kiss on it.

“Also, I don’t have a girl waiting for me back at home. At least…not that I know of,” Jungkook said, laughing slightly. “Except for my mom, if she counts.” He added, eliciting a laugh from you.

The two of you stayed in the meadow for a while longer, with you resting your head on Jungkook’s chest listening to the beat of his heart and his smooth, velvety voice as he sang softly a song you had never heard. You felt at peace in the meadow, as if nothing could get you down, not even the raging war that was occurring just miles away from where you two lay.